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how can i help and keep him aswell as protect myself

I got dumped the other day and I don't know why as we where happy for a long time and he just left me by text one morning. he has anxiety so never wanted to go places with me, yet I tried to get him out as much as possible. now his spending all his time inside and is slowly cutting himself off of everyone around him including his family. I and his family believe his going into depression and I really wanna help him, as ill still do anything for him. his reluctant to talk to anyone about it, and his being made to visit his doctor soon yet he doesn't believe their anything wrong with him. I told him I was going to keep hoping that one day he will be back to who he is and love me again yet he says his lost all feelings for me yet doesn't tell me to lose the hope. do people break up and push (loss feeling for people) when depressed?  how can I help him yet stay away for him so I don't annoy him? do u think I should continue waiting for him? will or does he love me? if he loved me why did he push me away?

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Sam

Hi there,

The end of a relationship can be a very upsetting time, especially when you weren’t expecting it to happen. It can come as a big shock when a relationship suddenly ends. It can leave us feeling confused as we may have felt quite happy and getting a text message to end the relationship can only increase already hurt feelings.

Being in a relationship with someone who has anxiety, depression or other mental health problems can make you feel responsible for trying to make the other person feel better.  It’s great if you feel able to support someone by being there to listen, but it’s important for you to know that it wasn’t your responsibility to stop him from feeling low or to stop him self-harming.

I’d always recommend that somebody with anxiety tries to get professional or medical help.  They can do this by visiting their doctor for support and advice.  From what you explained, your ex doesn’t think he has a problem with anxiety.  It can take time for people to recognise that they have anxiety.  Perhaps you could encourage him to have a look at Childline’s webpage about how anxiety can affect people.

You asked whether people with depression sometimes push away people that they love.  Some people with depression find it difficult to be around or be close to others. It’s hard to say whether this is what happened with your ex.  The only way of knowing would be to ask him.  Only he can say for sure how he feels about you and whether he would be interested in having a relationship with you again in the future.

It’s really important to think about whether a relationship is healthy for you.  I’m wondering how it would affect you to be waiting hopefully in case he changes his mind.  If you’re concentrating on waiting for him, it might stop you from enjoying other parts of your life.

The break-up sounds as though it’s been very difficult for you.  It seems as though this is a time where it could really help to focus on yourself and take care of yourself after what’s happened.  Think about surrounding yourself with people who are there to support you. Also remember to make time to do things you enjoy and things that make you feel good about yourself.  This could be a way of feeling better and building up your self-esteem, which might have been affected by the end of the relationship.

This is clearly a difficult time for you and you don’t need to go through it on your own.  Remember that you can talk to a Childline Counsellor any time if you’d like to talk about it some more.

Thanks for writing to me.

Take care,

Sam

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