Ask Sam letter


To Sam


Um I'm 13 and everyone in my class has been out with a boy. Like, I'm the only one who hasn’t had a boyfriend. I feel soo left out. I really want one but I don't know how...
Ask Sam



Thanks for writing to me about your worries. It sounds as though right now you feel like you’re the only one of your friends that hasn’t had a boyfriend yet. I want you to know that it’s normal to have not been in a relationship at 13. There’s no wrong or right age to have your first boyfriend or girlfriend.

You’ve told me that you don’t know how to get a boyfriend. In some ways finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is really similar to making a new friend. You might want to think about what you do when you meet new friends. Making eye contact, smiling and starting conversations can be a good way to get to know someone and to let them know you are friendly and approachable. Often you’ll know if someone is right for you because you’ll feel it.

It’s a good idea to think about what you really want from a relationship and make sure that the person you’re dating wants similar things to you.

It sounds like it’s really tough for you to feel like the odd one out right now. It might seem like other people are experiencing things that you haven’t yet and that can be difficult or frustrating. Perhaps you could talk to other young people on the ChildLine message boards who also haven’t started dating and see how they feel about it.

You are always welcome to talk to a ChildLine counsellor about how you feel. You can have a conversation with a counsellor via 1-2-1 chat, by sending an email or by calling us on free 0800 1111. The counsellors are here to listen to you and to support you.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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