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Asker

To Sam

hes really protective-i dont want to meet him..

i met this guy on the internet half a year ago.im only 14 and ges 21. he lives half an hour away from me and he wants me to meet him.. i know hes who he sais he is because hes got mutual friends on facebook and some people i know personally know him. a few months ago, he said he loves me and that he wants to be with me. but im scared to meet him. recently.hes started getting really protective ove me. he sais im not allowed to speak tother boys and im not allowed to meet up with them. he threatens me if i lie about where i am. and hea sarted contacting my friends to see if im with them if i say i am. he calls me a baby and stuff if i say i dont want to meet him and hes so horrible about it. it gets me down. i deleted him off facebook and deleted his number but he kept ringing me and saying he was going to come and find me if i cut contact once more.. he forces me to tell him i love him and i dont want to meet him. i dont know what to do. pleaseee help
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your message, it's great that you have got in touch to talk about this relationship as it sounds like you feel this isn’t quite how you want it to be. It's really important that you can feel comfortable in any relationship you are in. No one has the right to tell you which relationship you should be in or make you feel you don’t have a choice.

From your letter I think you understand that even though your friends know him; this doesn't mean that you'd be safe with him. As this guy is quite a bit older than you, it’s really important that you take action to keep yourself safe. It sounds like this man would like a relationship based on his own terms, but it's really important that both people have a say in what the relationship is like and how fast the pace goes. If someone forces you to be in a relationship against your will, and wants to control other areas of your life, this is a form of abuse and there are people to support you stay safe in this type of relationship. You can find out more on the website This is Abuse.

It sounds like you are very worried about what would happen if you were to tell him you don’t love him and don’t want to be in a relationship. If you do feel scared to tell him, it's a good idea to talk to an adult you trust about his threats so that they can help you to keep safe if he were to attempt to come and find you. There are a number of ways you can block contact from him, even face to face contact. If he refused to leave you alone you could involve the police.

In the meantime, you can get help to stop him contact by mobile phone, either by changing your mobile number, contacting your network provider, or if you have a smart phone, by downloading an app. If you have an Android phone or Blackberry, the Block'em app may be useful for you. The app can block unwanted calls and text messages and is free to download to your phone.

You can also stop friend requests and receiving messages from people you aren’t friends with on Facebook by checking your privacy settings and ensuring that people who are not friends are not able to add you as a friend or send you a message. You can also block an individual person which means they can't see your profile at all. If you search 'Facebook privacy settings' you can get more information about how to block people and stop them seeing your account. Most other social networking sites have similar security features too, just do a search for the social network name plus 'privacy settings'.

If you would like to find out more about staying safe online you can visit Think U Know for more advice. Think U Know can show you how it's possible for you to report anything this man is doing since he is an adult and is contacting you against your will. The police agency involved, CEOP, would take this very seriously and want to make sure that you, and other young people are safe, so would take any information you can provide to them very seriously.

If you would like to talk any of this through with a ChildLine counsellor, you can talk confidentially by calling 0800 1111, or by creating an online account and logging in for a 1-2-1 chat.

Whichever way you contact, they will be there to talk through your feelings and your options. 

Take care,

Sam

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