Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thank you for your letter. It’s brilliant that you have decided to ask for some advice. Thinking about having sex for the first time can be pretty confusing and stressful. It’s normal to hear a lots different ideas about sex from different people and places.

It’s important to remember that being ready for sex isn’t the same as wanting to fit in or trying to make someone else happy. Feeling ready is something that only you can decide. It sounds like you’re feeling quite unsure if you’re completely confident about having sex with your boyfriend.

There’s no right or wrong time to feel ready to have sex. People will feel ready for sex at different ages. There’s usually a lot of exaggeration involved when young people talk about sex and it can be hard to know what to believe! There will be plenty of other people in your year who haven’t had sex yet, no matter what you might hear. There’s loads of advice about sex on the Brook Website, which I think you might find useful. It also has information on the law about having sex at different ages, which might help you decide how you feel about having sex right now.

When you’re in a relationship with someone and you both feel ready for sex, it’s really natural to be nervous about what they might think and how it might be for the first time. Having sex in a loving relationship means you both learn a lot about each other. Whether it’s your first time or your thousandth, the most important thing is that you both feel comfortable and happy with what’s happening.

What would it be like to tell your boyfriend that you’re a bit worried about having sex? Sometimes it can feel really scary being honest with someone you care about, but an important part of being in a relationship is having trust and respect for each other’s feelings. Being able to talk to each other about sex openly will help you have a healthy sexual relationship. You will need to be able to talk about things like contraception, which will help you make sure that you are both staying safe. If your feelings aren’t something that your boyfriend is able to consider or support you with, you might decide to rethink whether you really trust him enough to have sex with him.

You are very welcome to talk through all of your fears with a ChildLine counsellor. The counsellors are there to talk to you about absolutely anything and they won’t judge you, whatever you decide.

Take care,

Sam