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Hi F*,
Thanks for your letter. Discovering and understanding your sexual identity is a big part of growing up. This can be different for everyone and theres no right or wrong way to feel.
Youre not doing anything wrong by finding the idea of sex disgusting. Different people feel differently about relationships. The most important thing is how you feel about it. There are people who dont feel sexually attracted to anyone and thats okay.
Even when you know its okay yourself, it can feel difficult coming out about your sexuality. This is especially true if it feels like everyone around you is doing something different and mixing with the opposite gender.
Letting people see how you feel about sex and boys can help you to feel more confident about yourself. Sometimes when youre not sure how to say it or how people might react it can help to have a more general conversation about it, just to see what they say.
Remember that coming out about not feeling sexually attracted to boys doesnt mean that you have to tell everyone. You always have the right to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable sharing.
Not being around boys at all can be a difficult thing to achieve. There are times that you can definitely get away from them, but other times when they might be around. Or they might even approach you.
Even when a boy approaches you or flirts with you, its okay to say that you arent interested in them. There can be lots of ways of doing that, and it can be good to think about how youd want someone to turn you down if they werent interested. You can let them know you aren't interested without hurting their feelings.
Its never okay for someone to keep on trying to pursue you when youve told them youre not interested. Nobody ever has the right to pressure you or push you into doing something youre not comfortable with. If you ever feel like someone is taking away your choice to say 'no' then youre not doing anything wrong by talking to an adult or getting support.
You might find it helpful speaking to a ChildLine counsellor about how youve been feeling. Counsellors at ChildLine wont judge you or tell you what to do, but theyll give you a safe space that you can talk about how youve been feeling and what you want to happen.
Take care,
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.