Ask Sam letter

Hi F*,

Thanks for your letter. Discovering and understanding your sexual identity is a big part of growing up. This can be different for everyone and there’s no right or wrong way to feel.

You’re not doing anything wrong by finding the idea of sex disgusting. Different people feel differently about relationships. The most important thing is how you feel about it. There are people who don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone and that’s okay.

Even when you know it’s okay yourself, it can feel difficult “coming out” about your sexuality. This is especially true if it feels like everyone around you is doing something different and mixing with the opposite gender.

Letting people see how you feel about sex and boys can help you to feel more confident about yourself. Sometimes when you’re not sure how to say it or how people might react it can help to have a more general conversation about it, just to see what they say.

Remember that coming out about not feeling sexually attracted to boys doesn’t mean that you have to tell everyone. You always have the right to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable sharing.

Not being around boys at all can be a difficult thing to achieve. There are times that you can definitely get away from them, but other times when they might be around. Or they might even approach you.

Even when a boy approaches you or flirts with you, it’s okay to say that you aren’t interested in them. There can be lots of ways of doing that, and it can be good to think about how you’d want someone to turn you down if they weren’t interested. You can let them know you aren't interested without hurting their feelings.

It’s never okay for someone to keep on trying to pursue you when you’ve told them you’re not interested. Nobody ever has the right to pressure you or push you into doing something you’re not comfortable with. If you ever feel like someone is taking away your choice to say 'no' then you’re not doing anything wrong by talking to an adult or getting support.

You might find it helpful speaking to a ChildLine counsellor about how you’ve been feeling. Counsellors at ChildLine won’t judge you or tell you what to do, but they’ll give you a safe space that you can talk about how you’ve been feeling and what you want to happen.

Take care,
Sam