Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Deciding to have sex is a really important decision to make and one which needs to be talked through with your girlfriend so that you both know what you feel comfortable with. It's hard for me to tell you what to do, but it’s important to know that just because you have already had sex, it doesn’t mean you have to do it again until you feel ready.

Being able to talk about sex is important in a healthy relationship, as it’s important you can both communicate your feelings and what feels right for you. Respecting each other’s feelings about when you have sex, how often you have sex and if you use contraception is really important. These things are all important if you want to keep having sex where you both feel able to trust and respect each other.

It sounds like your religion is important to you when you consider what you would feel comfortable with when you have sex. It is important for you to know that if you don’t use any contraception, there is a high chance of your girlfriend getting pregnant. If you did not use protection the first time, there is a chance your girlfriend could be pregnant now. You can read more about what to do in this situation on our page about pregnancy. You might also find it helpful to check out Brook - a website about sex and sexual health.

It’s important to know the facts about contraception before you have sex to make sure that you both feel comfortable with having a baby if you decide not to use contraception. When you have unprotected sex you are also at risk of catching sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

No one has the right to make you feel pressured into having sex. If you don’t feel able to talk to your girlfriend about how you feel, there will always be a ChildLine counsellor to talk to and support you with your feelings. 

Take care,

Sam