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Getting over a breakup

Hi sam,

A couple of years ago I got into a relationship with who I believed to be the love of my life, my soulmate. We were inseparable, best friends, we did everything together! We spent 2 years together full of amazing memories, experiences and we were eachothers first everything. after a million and one arguments we split after I threw a drink over him in a heated argument. 6 months later we still haven't spoken. I miss him SO much and I'm still madly in love with him. I've tried to get him back I fought so hard but he doesn't want me anymore.

​I don't know how to cope with this loss? he was my absolute best friend and I still adore him. theres not a day where I don't think about what we had but I know he doesn't do the same. I've lost so much weight, I'm so depressed, I've dropped out of college and I hate going out of the house. it sounds so silly but nothing feels right and I feel like theres no way to stop these feelings. I think I'm all cried out but it still hurts me, I love him and I really don't ever want to be with anyone else.

​is there any way to feel better? any advice you can give me? because I hate myself more and more everyday, maybe if I was nicer, maybe if I didn't throw that drink, maybe just maybe id still be his perfect girl, maybe he'd still want to do everything we said we'd do together, maybe he'd still love me

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Sam

Hi there,

Breaking up with someone who you feel very close to is rarely easy - and when you've put a lot of emotion into that relationship it can take a long time to get through it. If the relationship truly has ended and one or both of you don't want to get back together, then it's important to find a way to move on. This advice is for those who want to move on from a relationship that has ended for good.

When breaking up with someone, it can help to make sure you say everything you want to say to them. There might be a lot going through your mind when you first break up and you might not get to say everything there and then. If it's possible to have a final meeting where you can clear the air, then it's a good idea to think about the kind of questions you might need to know the answers to.

Getting all of this out in the open at the time of the breakup is helpful. But as that time's already passed for you, you could write a letter to him saying everything you want to say. You don't even need to send it, it can be just for you if you want.

The next thing to do is to take time away from him and things that remind you of him. He sounds like he was a big part of your life, but there's more to you than your relationship with him - no matter how deep it was. It's important to start living life for you again and this can mean taking time away from things to do with him.

It's up to you how you choose to cope with this, but you'll probably find it easier if you remove him from social media, stop sending him texts or emails and give yourself a lot of time apart. This will help but it won't be easy at first. It's likely you'll still think of him, but given time you'll think of him less and less, until he becomes part of your past.

I hope that helps. It might be a tough few months for you, so do make sure you're getting support from friends and family. And you can talk to our Childline counsellors whenever you want during that time as well.

Thanks for the letter and take care,

Sam

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