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Dear sam im not very confident and always do what my friends say sometimes i dont want to do it but im to scared to say no because the might think im a baby and i dont want to be mean,what should i do?
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thanks for your message. 

You’ve done the right thing by asking for some advice on this. It sounds like you feel you have to act a certain way around your friends, rather than just being yourself. Not being yourself can be really tiring. I imagine it must be hard to be worrying about what your friends think of you all the time.
 
You’ve said that you are not very confident but the fact that you’ve written this letter shows me that you have some real courage. Sharing your feelings is a brave thing to do, so well done for telling me what’s happening for you right now.

It might help you to think about what you would like from your friendships. You have said that you feel scared to say no to your friends. You shouldn’t have to feel scared about just being yourself, even if that means disagreeing with your friends sometimes. You said you don’t want to be mean and I can hear you care about your friends. They should be kind and caring to you too, by respecting your feelings and your decision to say no. 

I’m wondering if there is one of your friends that you feel closer to that you could talk to about this. Perhaps even talking to another family member or someone you trust who could also give you some advice. It might also be worth thinking about making some new friends, so that you can choose not to hang around with people if they make you uncomfortable. You sound like a kind and thoughtful person and those are lovely qualities. You deserve to have friends who respect you for that.

There is a lot of really useful information in the Explore section about coping with Peer pressure and Friendships. You might also want to look at our message boards to read about problems that other young people are having with their friends.

Remember ChildLine counsellors are available if you want to talk some more about your friendships and building confidence. You can contact them through email, 1-2-1 chat or on the freephone number 0800 1111. 

I hope this helps.

Take care,

Sam

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