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To Sam

Friend Relationship


i have been friends for a long time with a girl but recently we covered the sex topic in PSHE and I'm worried that my friend likes me as she has mentioned before that she likes both genders. Also she likes to hang on to me and has tried to share a changing cubicle (some of us change in showers) before. I am not attracted to her and this is worrying me.

Can I have advice on what to do because I am scared that this might end my friendship - I don't have many other friends.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Sometimes people can take time to figure out and feel comfortable with their own sexuality. Your feelings matter and although your friend can’t help how she feels, it’s important that you both know and stick to the limits of your friendship.

If your friend does have feelings for you then not feeling the same way doesn’t make you a bad person. We can’t control who we are attracted to and that means it’s nobody’s fault if you don’t feel the same way. It’s natural to worry and feel anxious about what to say and can be hard when you feel your friendship may be affected.

No one, not even close friends, should ever make you feel uncomfortable or put you in a situation you don’t want to be in, like sharing a cubicle. It’s totally okay to let your friend know that. Even though she hasn’t said she has feelings for you, it’s good to make your limits and boundaries clear.

If you don’t feel like you can speak to her directly about how you feel, then you can give small signs that let her know. She has told you that she likes both genders. Perhaps the next time that she brings it up, you can make it clear you only like one gender. If these small signs aren’t working, then you can move on to more direct conversations.

You aren’t doing anything wrong and you are doing the right thing to talk about how you feel. If you'd like to talk things through more, you can always talk to a counsellor about what you could say.

Take care for now.


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