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feeling pressured

hi sam,

there is this boy who i liked a while ago, we texted a lot, i met up with him and we also talked at school he was nice however one day he started texting dirty so i stopped talking to him as im 13 and he is 15, he has recently started texting me again , 24/7 he wont stop i have to keep making excuses saying im busy  and im dreading going back to school because i dont want to talk to him, hes saying he wants to be my boyfriend over text and i dont want that because ive been warned by my friends he is dirty i dont want to be forced into anything but because hes older i dont know how to say no? he calls me beautiful but then he asks why i am silly and hide ive tried explaining i dont want to talk to him but he  takes it as ajoke and ignores me i just want to be  left alone im not ready and dont want to be alone with him ive felt pressured into kissing him, dont want anything else to happen !!ahh

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi,

Thanks for your letter and well done for deciding to get in touch. It sounds like you are quite clear on what you would like to happen and that you don’t want to be involved with this boy anymore. It also sounds like you are not sure how to tell him this or get him to take you seriously.

From what you’ve said about this boy’s behaviour, I can understand why you don’t want to go out with him. It sounds like he makes you feel uncomfortable and not listened to, and that this had led to you feeling like you had to kiss him. Nobody should force or pressurise another person into doing anything that they don’t want to do. You always have the right to say “no” to any kissing or touching that you’re not totally happy with.

You said that you are worried about going back to school. You’ve also told me that he ignores you when you want to be left alone. It’s important for you to know that what he has done is wrong and you have done the right thing to write to me  about it.

You have the right to feel safe at school. You might want to consider telling people about what’s been happening before you go back to school and getting some support so that you don’t have to cope with this on your own. Your school has a responsibility to take any form of abuse or bullying seriously and they should help to make it stop. It sounds like some of your friends are also aware of this boy. Perhaps if they knew exactly what was happening for you they could help to make sure you are never left alone with him.

There is a section in Explore with more information on Peer pressureNHS choices also have some great information on peer pressure which has some ideas on what to say if someone is pressuring you about sex.

You are always welcome to come and talk to a ChildLine counsellor about what’s been happening anytime. You can talk to them via 1-2-1 chat (which works a bit like instant messenger) or by calling 0800 1111 (free from any phone including mobiles). Sometimes talking about a difficult situation or practicing what you want to say with another person can help you feel more confident about deciding what to do.

I hope this helps.

Take care,

Sam

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