Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Feeling left out

I have low confidence and my friends are outgoing people. Sometimes I feel left out because they are all laughing and talking and I feel like I have no place. I want to be more confident when it comes to socialising and just feeling good about myself.

Ask Sam


Hi there

Being confident means feeling able to be yourself. How confident you feel can change depending on what you’re doing or who  you’re with. It’s normal to feel less confident sometimes but there are things you can do to boost your confidence and self-esteem.

Sometimes it can be difficult to feel confident or part of a group. Feeling isolated when you’re with other people can be confusing, especially when they look happy and you’re not. When you feel left out it can lead to negative thoughts about yourself and that can affect your confidence more.

It can help to focus on positive things about yourself. You could try to remember a compliment someone gave you or a time you helped someone and focus on how good you felt. It can help to know you can change negative feelings over time.

Building confidence and self–esteem takes time and the more you practise the easier it gets. Keeping a list of things you like about yourself can help you notice things you might otherwise miss. Remember to include all of the positive things about yourself, there’s nothing too small for the list. You could start with 3 things on the list and add a few new things every week. Try to read it every morning to help you to start your day well.

Remember: it’s okay to be who you are and you can change the way you feel about yourself. It may not happen all at once but there are steps you can take to bring out the best of you.

You can get support from a Childline counsellor by phone, online chat or by sending an email and you could search the message boards for advice and tips from other young people.

Thank you for your letter.

Take care


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