Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Everyone has their own feelings about sex and how often they want to have it. It's okay to want as much or as little sex as you feel, but when in a relationship you have to also respect the other person when they don't want to have sex. It's always okay to say no and it's important to talk about it. Thinking about sex and relationships can help you work out what's important to you.

When a relationship has a new phase, like moving in together, there's often a time when things are very intense. You might see each other a lot more and you might have sex more than you used to. Over time this might change, but you need to decide whether you feel comfortable with how things are right now.

If your girlfriend wants to have sex and you don't, then it's okay to tell her you don't want that. Communication is really important in any relationship and working on that now can help you stay together longer. It's okay to tell her you're worried about her getting pregnant - this might then lead to a conversation about contraception which is an important discussion to have.

Some people have higher sex drives than others and this is natural. When forming a relationship with someone this is something that you will have to work on and come to an understanding with each other.

The Childline counsellors are always there if you'd like to talk about your feelings and get more support.

I hope this helps you decide what to do next. Thanks for writing in.

Take care,

Sam