Recently i've been feeling really left out from my friends. I am a practising muslim so i dont drink and now all my friends hardly invite me to their parties as there will be lots of alcohol and they all want to get drunk. They spend lots of time together and hardly ask me to come anywhere anymore not even in the daytme. to make matters worse, this new girl has recently becom better friends with some of my friends and is encouraging them more and more to get completely drunk and so pushing them away from me more. I have no idea what to do as I dont want to compromise my values. I dont judge them for drinking but i wish they would include me more. I have felt so lonely this summer i sometimes even wonder if any of my friends would care if i died,
S
Sam
Hi S,
Thank you for your letter.
It seems as though your friends have let you down lately by not including you in things and this is making you feel left out. It sounds like its been a really tough time for you, so well done for deciding to get in touch.
Im glad to hear that you dont want to compromise your values. Its important to always be yourself and not to feel pressured into doing anything that doesnt feel right for you.
You told me that you dont judge your friends for drinking and it sounds like you are an open-minded person. It seems as though your friends are not being so open-minded at the moment. It doesnt seem unreasonable to expect them to still spend some time with you occasionally without alcohol being involved.
How you feel is important and good friends should be supportive and considerate of your feelings. You might want to think about telling your friends what this summer has been like for you. Sometimes people will have no idea how their behavior is affecting you, unless you let them know. If you do decide to talk to them, its important to try and stay calm. That way they are more likely to listen to what you are saying. If talking is too hard, writing things down in a letter can be one way of getting your message across without getting upset or being interrupted.
If your friends are not open to talking about their behaviour, you might want to think about whether these are the type of friends you really want to have. We are all able to choose our friends in life. You might want to meet more like minded people perhaps by joining some groups or clubs you are interested in where you might meet people with shared values. You can find out more about Friendships in Explore.
Im concerned to hear you say youve been wondering if your friends would care if you died. I think its important to try not to give yourself a hard time over their behaviour. It is natural for some friendship groups to drift apart as people change and develop in different directions. That doesnt mean youve done anything wrong or that anyone is to blame, its just a reflection that you are all different people.
Sometimes talking to someone about difficult situations can help you to feel more supported and think about what you might want to do next. ChildLine counsellors are always here to support you. You can have a 1-2-1 chat or call 0800 1111, free from any phone including mobiles anytime.
Take care,
Sam
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