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Crush not ready for relationship

I've known this girl for a while now and I constantly talk to her online but she doesn't want to take it to the next level. She says that she is not ready for a relationship and I was really upset about this. I pretended to understand and be ready to remain "just friends" but I am not.

​I was really sad and angry at myself and I did not know what I had done wrong. What can I do about this? I don't want to seem like I'm pressuring her but I want to be more.

​What do I do because I do not want to ruin the friendship or my chances of making it more. I have never felt the same way I feel about her for any other girl and she is really special.

​Thank you so much,

Ask Sam


Hi there,

When we have feelings for someone else it's important to respect their wishes and understand that they may never feel the same way we do. Nobody can choose their feelings but you can choose how you act on them. Relationships usually begin naturally and if the other person isn’t  interested then finding a way to move on is the best thing you can do.

Having feelings for someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship is really hard. It can feel like they are the most important person in the world and when they don't feel the same way it hurts. No matter how difficult it is though, if your friend has said they don't want a relationship it's important to respect that.

It's natural to want to be friends with a crush if you can't be in a relationship, but try to decide if this is possible for you. Some people can be friends and put their feelings to one side, but for many people it's too difficult. It's okay to take some time apart for a while and see how you feel after a break.

I know that sometimes it can be tempting to think that things might change if you keep asking or if you wait around. Every situation is different but generally if someone isn't interested in you then it's going to be difficult for a relationship to happen. Sometimes the best thing to do is accept this and move on.

It's good to get an outside opinion on things like this, so try talking about your feelings with a friend or adult you can trust or someone else you feel able to talk to.

Our counsellors are always here for you if you want to talk. I hope this has helped, thanks for your letter.

Take care.


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