i go to a boarding school and i have been hanging out with my best friend A*** together every part of the day for like a year now. I feel like she is being extremly clingy i even confronted her but she wont leave me alone.I want to get away from her because i know find her, annoying SHE COPIES EVERYTHING I DO and i feel like i have no space and i cant hang out with other people without her there or asking where im going
please help me
Sam
Hi there,
Thank you for writing to me. It sounds like things with your friend are feeling really intense for you right now. I can hear its hard for you to feel you cant get away from her and it sounds like you are feeling trapped at the moment.
It can be really difficult when it feels like someone copies you and wont give you any space, but sometimes people do that because they feel lonely or insecure. Fear of losing the friendship can make some people cling more, but its important that a friendship is fair on both people.
It is okay to let someone know if they have done something that has made us angry, but sometimes when we are annoyed at someone we can say things like you do this and it can make the other person feel blamed, making it more likely well upset them.
Maybe you could try speaking with her, but wording it so that it doesnt seem like youre blaming her. You could tell her how good a friend she is because you know that you can talk to her about anything, even something like this. Looking for the positive side of things can help someone feel good about themselves which might make them need to be around you so much.
Helping her to meet new people could be another way of doing this if your friend has other people she can turn to then she may depend less on your friendship. To do this you could include her in groups and make sure shes involved, as well as encouraging her to try new things.
If you feel she still isnt listening to you, it might be helpful to get the support of a teacher you trust. Im wondering if there is anyone in your school who deals more with non-school work related issues, like a welfare officer, school nurse or counsellor. You could try talking to them about how you feel, and getting their advice on how to handle it.
You might also find it helpful to have a look on the message boards, which is a space where young people can share advice. There is a section on friends.
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
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