Ask Sam letter


To Sam

clingy friend

dear sam

i go to a boarding school and i have been hanging out with my best friend A*** together every part of the day for like a year now. I feel like she is being extremly clingy i even confronted her but she wont leave me alone.I want to get away from her because i know find her, annoying SHE COPIES EVERYTHING I DO and i feel like i have no space and i cant hang out with other people without her there or asking where im going

please help me

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me. It sounds like things with your friend are feeling really intense for you right now. I can hear it’s hard for you to feel you can’t get away from her and it sounds like you are feeling trapped at the moment.

It can be really difficult when it feels like someone copies you and won’t give you any space, but sometimes people do that because they feel lonely or insecure. Fear of losing the friendship can make some people cling more, but it’s important that a friendship is fair on both people.

It is okay to let someone know if they have done something that has made us angry, but sometimes when we are annoyed at someone we can say things like “you do this…” and it can make the other person feel blamed, making it more likely we’ll upset them.

Maybe you could try speaking with her, but wording it so that it doesn’t seem like you’re blaming her. You could tell her how good a friend she is because you know that you can talk to her about anything, even something like this. Looking for the positive side of things can help someone feel good about themselves which might make them need to be around you so much.

Helping her to meet new people could be another way of doing this – if your friend has other people she can turn to then she may depend less on your friendship. To do this you could include her in groups and make sure she’s involved, as well as encouraging her to try new things.

If you feel she still isn’t listening to you, it might be helpful to get the support of a teacher you trust. I’m wondering if there is anyone in your school who deals more with non-school work related issues, like a welfare officer, school nurse or counsellor. You could try talking to them about how you feel, and getting their advice on how to handle it.

You might also find it helpful to have a look on the message boards, which is a space where young people can share advice. There is a section on friends.

You can talk to a ChildLine counsellor about this or anything else.

Take care,

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