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To Sam

Chatting to an older boy

Basically, I'm 11 and I've had strong feelings for this lad who works in a shop in my town for a good year now. I would go into the shop for no reason although I liked looking at skateboards and stuff, I once yelled his name then ran out. he normally waves and smiles at me so I get happy often. But, I managed to find his facebook, instagram, ask.fm, tumblr and snapchat, a month after finding out what his snapchat was i added him on a new account I made, it was dumb then I said I added the wrong person but we continued speaking, he even helped me over a panic attack. After chatting for a while we stopped talking. Then I added him again and we spoke more, the only thing was he didn't really know who I was, how old I was or anything. We no longer talk but I think of him a lot and I can't get over him, it's horrible. I have no clue what to do, please help!
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Getting over a crush can be really hard. It’s normal to get crushes on different people or on people you can’t be with, like adults or people who're in a relationship. Getting over them takes time and you need to be ready to do so.

Making contact with strangers online is a dangerous thing to do, and your safety when you're online is important. Pretending to be someone else is misleading and not fair to him. He deserves to know who he is talking to, and honesty is important for both of you. Check out our information about staying safe online.

Even when we get to know someone well and have these kinds of feelings, it’s still hard to let get go. Two things that can make it a lot easier are time and distractions.

Spending time with friends, and making friends with new people who are your own age is a good way to get your mind off of this person. Crushes can become obsessive – we can think about them over and over, so spending time with other people is a good way to change that.

Time will also help. The longer you don’t speak to him, the easier it might be to let go. If you see him or chat to him again, it might set you back a bit and could take you some time to recover – but the more you do this, the easier it will get.

It can help to talk to someone you trust about how you feel.

It's important to think about what feels right for you and to feel safe. Take a look at our advice about relationships and don't forget you can always talk to our counsellors if you want to. Or see what other young people think by posting on our message boards.

I hope that helps. Thanks for the letter.

Take care,

Sam

Note from Sam: I've read this letter again after I first replied. And I've added some advice about the dangers of contacting strangers online and how it's important to stay safe online.

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