Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Boyfriend making me do things i don't want to do

Hey Sam, I've never wrote anything like this, however, I'm not even sure what to do about it. I'm 17 and my boyfriend is nearly 19, we got together when I was 16 an it's now a year on in our relationship. We got sexual only a couple of months ago, at the time I guess I didn't see it as a problem but now that were further in and still doing things, he thinks I enjoy it. He doesn't like no as an answer so when I say no to doing certain things, he'll do it any way and when I try to move or something he'd grab my wrists etc. I don't think this is normal and I do try to tell him that it makes me uncomfortable but he just completely blanks me out. I love him so much, I don't want to make a big deal out of something when it's not but, do I tell a friend? I just have no idea.

Thank you

Ask Sam


Hi there,

You have the right to say no to sex, even if you’re in a relationship. No one should force you or try to manipulate you to do sexual things, and when you say no, they should listen and respect your decision.

Being in a relationship doesn’t give your partner the right to have sex with you.

Every time you do sexual things you both need to consent fully so that you’re both clear what the other person agrees to and is comfortable with.

Agreeing to sex now doesn’t mean that you give your permission for sex in the future.

It can be difficult to be assertive when your partner refuses to talk about important things like consent. How you feel and what you want is important, even if they blank you or don’t listen to you.

No one else should make decisions about what you do with your body - it’s always your choice what feels right and what doesn’t.

You should both be included in decisions about what you do together sexually. You can ask the other person to stop if you’re not happy with what they’re doing and that includes things that you’ve done in the past.

If they intentionally touch you sexually without your consent this is sexual assault and it’s illegal.

If you’ve been sexually assaulted or raped, help and support is available. It’s important to get medical help if you have any injuries or you’re at risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections.

You can also talk to a trusted adult, a counsellor at Childline or Rape Crisis (or Rape Crisis Scotland) about what’s happened and whether you want to report it to the police.

Relationships should be equal but sometimes you might find it difficult to be assertive, especially if you’re worried about upsetting the other person or hurting their feelings.

Your feelings are important too and you have the right to be happy and safe.

Building your confidence and self-esteem can sometimes mean putting your own needs first so that you can learn to value yourself at the same time as loving someone else.

It’s also good to remember that you always have the option of ending the relationship and you don’t need to consider their feelings in that decision.

If you need more support, please contact a counsellor at Childline.

I hope this advice has helped.

Take care,


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