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To Sam

Best friend getting hurt

My best friend keeps getting hit by his girlfriend for spending too much time with me.

Lets say the boy is called Bob and the girl is Rose, me and bob were together 9 months a long time ago, after we broke up we didn't talk anymore. Rose came a few months later and became my best friend.

she started dating bob then me and him became best friends. after about 7 months of what seemed to be a perfect relationship bob said he fell in love with me. We started talking even more and became closer as friends. Now she hates me because she thinks I'm trying to ruin her happiness. She hits him. She's convinced him he deserves it. Whenever he comes to spend time with me she hits him afterwards.

He won't tell anybody and I think today they're going on holiday together. I think she's going to beat him again I'm so scared and I don't know what to do

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for your letter, it sounds like you’re really worried about your friend and I’m glad you’ve written to me about this.

Nobody deserves to be hit, and what Rose is doing to Bob is physical abuse. Either boys or girls can be abusive in a relationship - and it’s important that Bob understands that what Rose is doing to him is wrong. It can be difficult for boys in situations like this, and it is really good that you are there to listen to him and support him.

It can be helpful to feel supported, and so it might be good for Bob to think about whether there is an adult in his life that he trusts who he could talk to, for example a parent, a carer or a teacher.

For more information on physical abuse in a relationship, it might be helpful for you to look at the Physical abuse page, and also the This Is Abuse website, which has specific information and support options about abuse in relationships. It might be helpful for Bob to read these as well.

It seems like a lot has happened between the three of you and that there is quite a lot of tension between you and Rose and between Rose and Bob. It sounds like Rose may be jealous of the closeness between you and Bob and that she is feeling insecure about her relationship with him. However her behaviour is not acceptable. There are better ways to express anger, such as talking and expressing our feelings and facing problems that make us angry.

You’ve explained how things between you and Bob have changed and it seems like you are closer to him than before. You’ve also mentioned how Bob has told you he is in love with you. It can be natural for relationships to go through changes. Sometimes these changes can be confusing, and so it might be helpful to think about your own feelings for Bob, and what you want out of the relationship.

I can hear that a lot has been happening for you in your friendships and also that you’re scared for Bob. You can speak to a ChildLine counsellor about how you are feeling, and ChildLine is also here to support Bob. You can both talk to a counsellor confidentially, by calling for free on 0800 1111, logging on for a 1-2-1 chat or via email.

Take care,

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