Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Most people have doubts about themselves at some point, and when we are single this can make those doubts even bigger. Accepting yourself can help you feel happier and can also help you find someone who likes you for who you really are.

I think you’re right that one of the hardest things to overcome is feeling unable to love ourselves, but I don’t think it’s good to change who you are for other people. There are things about you that are an important part of your character.

If you change to fit what someone else thinks you should be, then it won’t be long before it gets really hard to keep this up. You should be in a relationship with someone who likes the real you — not a person you have to pretend to be all the time.

When it comes to finding a boyfriend or girlfriend you shouldn’t be doing it to make you feel good about yourself, otherwise you are relying on other people to make you happy. If you first feel good about who you are without needing someone else, you’ll be able to find a partner who is compatible and right for you.

Being confident doesn’t mean being loud or bubbly. Some people are naturally quiet, and this is okay. Confidence can often come from knowing that if someone has a problem with who you are then it says more about them and that they have the problem, not you.

Try taking some time to focus on the positive things about yourself. It can be hard to see ourselves in a good way sometimes, but that doesn’t mean those good things are not there. If you’re struggling then ask your closest friends to write three things they like about you, and you do the same for them. You may be surprised just how highly your friends think of you.

I hope that helps. We have some more advice on being confident and boosting your self-esteem which you might find helpful to read.

Take care,
Sam