Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Am I the only one?

Hi Sam,

I'm 14 and I haven't had a boyfriend for over a year now but I do want one. Most of my close friends have boyfriends and are having sexual relationships. I've never done anything more than kiss a boy and wouldn't want to right now, i feel like i'm too young. My friends don't see that, I feel like I'm one of the only ones. And I feel like people will laugh at me if I don't do it soon. What do I do?

Ask Sam


Hi there

Thank you for your letter. It sounds like you’re feeling worried about being one of the only ones amongst your friends who isn’t having a sexual relationship.

You say that you wouldn’t want to right now and that you feel too young. It sounds like you know your own mind and what you do and don’t feel comfortable with and that’s great, you shouldn’t feel pressured into doing anything that you don’t want to. There’s also more to relationships than sex.

You say that you want a boyfriend and I wonder whether there’s anyone in particular that you would want to be a in a relationship with. Sometimes it can feel like everyone else is in a relationship and it can take time for you to find someone that you do want to have a relationship with.

It’s also important that you know that at 14 you are below the legal age of consent, which is 16. This means that legally speaking you’d be too young to have a sexual relationship.

There’s also some more information on the ChildLine website about sex and relationships that you might like to take a look at.

You’ve done really well to write to me about this and if you’d like to talk to someone some more about things then you’re welcome to speak to one of the counsellors at ChildLine. You can do this by calling 0800 1111 (all calls are free and don’t show up on the bill) or by using the 1-2-1 chat on the website (it works a bit like MSN Messenger).

Take care


Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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