Ask Sam letter


To Sam


So my friend has a boyfriend, they are both under 16, the boy keeps pressuring the girl to have sex with him, but she doesn't want to.... She feels  like she has to because it's her boyfriend so she gets undressed, he keeps trying to have sex with her but she keeps saying no, he continues to do this, they don't have sex but the guy has managed to do some things with her, does this count as sexual abuse on the girl? Or is it her own fault
Ask Sam



Nobody has the right to touch you or make you touch them if you don’t want to. This includes a boyfriend or girlfriend. Being forced to do anything sexual that you don’t want to do is sexual abuse.

If someone is being pressured to have sex when they don’t want to, it's never their fault. Your friend hasn’t done anything wrong.

You could perhaps show her the This is Abuse website, which has information on relationship abuse. There is also information on our relationships page. It's very common for people to not realise that they may be in an abusive relationship. It’s not their fault, and it’s sometimes difficult to help them if they don’t think they need the help.

You and your friend could also join our relationships and sexual abuse message boards to talk to other young people about what's going on.

It can be really hard to tell other people about abuse, so it’s good that your friend feels able to talk to you. You can get more ideas about how to support your friend or suggest that she speaks to a ChildLine counsellor about what is happening. Please remember that if you feel upset or worried by anything that she has told you about you can also speak to a counsellor yourself.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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