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To Sam

about a relationship/friendship/sexting :L

hey..... so i've been talking to a guy who is 18 & im 15. we've never met. we have been talking for 3-4 months
so we talk about meeting up & being together.
we talk about a lot like having sex & sexting
when we talk about sex its always like a normal/natuarl converstion with him where as it would normally be a weird topic especially with someone you aint met. we talk about everything like conterception to worries aboout it & things like that. we are both virigns too

we've spoke about maybe one time sending um  photos yanoe umm "photos" :/ which he asked me about & was like you dont need to say yes & dont b scared to say no & things like that.

we want to both meet each other & obviously im going to get a friend to come with me then stay a bit away from us so that im with the guy but he thinks we're alone when i have a friend with me.....

i just want some general advice about what i should do etc

my questions are
1 should i meet him soon?
2 is there a law against us going out?
3 should we send each other pics... in a way i want too but at the same time i dont like myself thats the only thing thats holding me back from sending him one
4 would it be illegal for us to have sex when im still 15 even if we were to make sure no one knew? like we would wait until we knew each other a lot & were comfortable obviously & use protection (we would use a condom & im thinking about going on the pill anyway not just for saftey in sex but other reasons)
thanks i know this letters pretty long:/

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there, thanks for sending me your letter.
 
I am glad that you have written to me to talk about the questions and doubts you are having about your relationship with this person.  Sometimes people can feel pressured into talking about things they’re not comfortable with or sending pictures of themselves when they don’t really want to. It’s always okay to say no if you don’t feel happy about doing something.

You don’t tell me how you first got talking to this person. If you met the other person through the internet, it's important to be aware that people can sometimes be very different in real life from how they seem online.

I can hear that it’s something you want to do. That’s okay if you trust this person, but it sounds like you don’t really know the person that well. Without meeting someone, you couldn’t be sure they are who they say they are - so it would be best to be careful about what you tell them and what you send to them.

It's worth thinking about what could happen if you sent him some pictures and he wanted more but you didn't want to keep sending them. You might also want to think about what could happen if you both fell out and he already had pictures of you.

Many young people have written to me regretting sending pictures to someone they trusted but who was not honest about what they were going to do with the pictures. My advice is not to send anything to him. If he has a problem with that, it could tell you what he is most interested in.

ChildLine has just released an app which sounds like it could be exactly what you’re looking for – it’s called ZIPIT and you can find out more about here. You might also find it useful to learn more about sexting here.

You asked about whether you should meet up with him. It could be dangerous to meet a stranger and it isn’t something I would recommend. If you do still think you want to meet him, it's important to think about your safety. Make sure you’re with a few friends and in a public place during the daytime when lots of people are about.  Always make sure you tell someone what you are doing and never ever go alone.

The law does say that you need to be 16 before you are thought to be old enough to decide whether you want to have sex or not. This means technically he would be breaking the law if he had sex with you.

The law is there to stop adults taking advantage of young people and making them do things they’re not ready for. The law is generally not used to punish young people around the same age who have sex and the most important thing is that you feel ready, want to do it and that you’re staying safe. This person is 18 and is an adult, but at 15 you are a child in the eyes of the law.

I think you’d find it useful to talk to a ChildLine counsellor about what you're going through right now – they won’t judge you or tell you what to do, they are there to help you work out what’s best for your situation. You can talk to a counsellor online or on the phone by calling 0800 1111 for free.

In the meantime, thanks for your message and I hope this helped.

Sam

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