Ask Sam letter

Hi there,

Thank you for your letter.

Having sex for the first time is something that can mean a lot of different things. When you’re worried about it afterwards it can be really stressful, but you’re doing the right thing in talking about this.

It sounds like you’ve got a lot of different ideas about what things may or may not mean when it comes to sex. For example when you talked about being pressured into having sex but you don’t think it can be rape because he didn’t hurt you.

If someone has sex with you when you don’t want them to, whether there’s pain involved or not, that is rape. It’s never okay for anyone to pressure you into having sex and you always have the right to say no. It could be really useful for you to take a look at the ChildLine page on sexual abuse. You’ve not done anything wrong and it’s never a bad thing to try and find information.

It can be natural to worry about pregnancy when you’re having sex, in fact it’s something that you should always try and keep in mind. Whenever you have sex there is a risk of becoming pregnant. This could be whether it’s your first time or even if your hymen didn't break. You didn’t mention if you used contraception, but using something like a condom can make you much less likely to get pregnant. Condoms will also help protect you from sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

It’s important to remember that even when you’re worried about being pregnant or about your sexual health that you’re not alone. It sounds like you’ve tried to figure a lot of things out by yourself, even going to the point of researching what a bump might be. Whenever you’re worried or not sure, whether it’s with something like that bump or anything else, speaking to a professional can make sure you get the right kind of support.

Sometimes seeing someone face to face can be scary, but somewhere like Brook can give you confidential information and advice on sexual health and pregnancy. This could be a really good starting point for you. The Brook website has loads of information about what you can do when you’re worried you might be pregnant. There’s also an Ask Brook section as well where you can speak to a professional over the phone or online about what you can do.

Whatever it is you’re worried about, a ChildLine counsellor is there to support you. ChildLine counsellors will not judge you and you can talk about anything. You can talk in lots of different ways, whether it’s online by using the 1-2-1 chat, by calling for free on 0800 1111 or by sending an email to a counsellor.

Take care,

Sam