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To Sam

Unstable parents

Hi Sam, I have an alcholic and drug abused mother and an 'easily to anger' father... Parents are divorced and i moved into my fathers house full time 4 years ago now, i chose to live with him because he was more stable than my mother and had more to provide me with. Although he still has his downfalls too... He is very violent sometimes, quick to anger which frightens me. He used to beat up my mother, even king-hit her, he's slapped my older sister once across the face for secretly eating ice-cream (she was 10, depressed and eating was how she coped) and he's also hit me numourous times. He scares me, a lot. He always puts me down and doesn't provide me anymore like he used to. He threatens to push me down the stairs when he's mad, he raises his hand when we argue to scare me or hit me. Once he terrified me so much i didn't leave my room for weeks, missed school and slept right infront of my doorway on the floor just so nobody could enter. I'm already 17 and i've had enough of living in fear, i always dreamt of being adopted... is it too late? Sam what do you suggest i do? I'm begging for your advice.
Ask Sam



Living with someone who drinks a lot or takes drugs can mean that they can’t always support you with what you need or could even be hurting you or other people. You don’t have to live like that and there are options you can look into.

When someone abuses another member of their family it’s called domestic abuse. Growing up with domestic abuse in your home can leave you with lots of different emotions and everyone deals with their emotions and feelings differently.

Abuse can mean lots of different things – neglect, physical, emotional and sexual. It’s not okay for anyone to deliberately hurt, threaten or scare you – no matter who they are and none of what happened or is happening is your fault. There's support for women and children facing domestic abuse through Refuge.

Families are the people you should feel the safest and secure with but living with your dad sounds very scary. If you have family or friends you could safely live with, it would be okay for you to do that as you are over 16.

If you don’t have anywhere to go then you might want to contact your local Foyer and find out how they can help. Foyer help people aged 16-25 who are homeless or at risk of being homeless. Usually you need to be referred by the local housing authority but if you call your local one, they might be able to put you in touch with the right people.

If you or anyone else is ever in immediate danger the quickest way to get help and support is to ring 999 and ask for the police. And remember, you can always talk to one of our counsellors. They're always there to listen and talk through what's going on.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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