Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Self Esteem

Hi sam,

i have really low self esteem, since the beginning of year 7 and now im in year 11, and i've had this anxiety feeling like i make little situations and make them even worse than what they're meant to be  and i've had loads of ups and downs over the years but year 11 has taken it's toll and i feel really low at the moment, all my friends are fighting each other and i'm in the middle trying to solve all their problems but i want to solve my own and i have no idea how to, but if i do i'll feel selfish so i have no idea what to do, shall i focus on myself for once? or just help everyone first?  i just really want to be confident in once in my life so please help x

Ask Sam



Thank you for getting in touch. It seems like you’ve been aware for a while that your own self-esteem is low, and it’s great that you’re looking for ways to improve your confidence. If you have a look at the confidence and self esteem pages in Explore you may find some ideas that could help you.

You said you’re trying to solve all your friend’s problems, and you feel stuck in the middle. By having a look at the friendship message boards you may find other young people have had similar experiences. You could also post your own message there about the decisions you have to make. It’s good to hear that you want to support your own friends. In order to be strong for your friends it’s important you also have support for yourself, so finding ways to cope with your own problems isn’t selfish.

Young people often tell us they feel added pressure when they move into Year 11 - you can read more about coping with this pressure on the school and college page in Explore. I think it would be good to also have a look at the anxiety pages where you can watch an animation, as well as finding lots more about anxiety.

You also explained you've had ups and downs in your own life over the years. I’m wondering how much you’ve spoken to other people about things that have happened in the past. Sometimes things that happened a while ago can still have an impact on how you’re feeling, so if you do want to talk more about any of those things you can contact a ChildLine counsellor.

From the questions you’ve asked it sounds like you may be trying to make some choices about how to deal with what’s going on. It may be helpful to talk through some of your thoughts about this with a ChildLine counsellor, either on the phone or online in 1-2-1 chat. They won’t tell you exactly what to do, but they will talk through different options you might have at the moment.

Thanks again for writing to me,

Take care,


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