Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Scared of my Family

I've been scared of my family my whole life... scared of them beating me mostly, even though they haven't ever actually done it. Earlier this year, I finally accepted that I was bi, but they're all extremely homophobic and, even though coming out safely is all I want to do because I hate hiding who I am, I'm so scared that if I come out to them they would try to "fix" me or disown me.
Ask Sam


Hi there,

It’s never okay for anyone to hurt you and it would be wrong for anybody to beat you. You deserve to be safe, and if you’re ever feeling in danger you have the right to call 999 for emergency help. There are laws to protect people from being hurt and there are also laws to protect people from homophobia.

I’m concerned to hear that your family are homophobic and that it’s making it hard for you to feel able to come out. It’s taken a lot of hard work for you to feel able to accept your own sexuality and it seems like your family’s views are making the idea of coming out very frightening. It would be wrong for them to try and “fix” you, because being bi isn’t something that needs fixing. Your sexuality is your own and nobody has the right to try and change it.

It’s important for you to choose when you feel ready to come out, and you can choose to come out gradually and tell people you trust. Carefully choosing who you’d like to tell can mean that you have support from them when you need it — like when you decide to come out to your family. You can find out more about coming out on our page on sexual identity

Please remember that you’re never on your own with this. There are lots of people who can help, including ChildLine counsellors who you can talk to any time, by email, 1-2-1 chats or calling free on 0800 1111.

If you feel as though your family wouldn’t support you or that they’d disown you if you came out, it could help to talk to Stonewall Youth on 08000 502020 or through their website, an organisation for young people affected by sexuality and transgender issues. You can also check out our sexuality message board thread where other people share their experiences of coming out.

I’m really glad that you got in touch to tell me about this. That was a very brave thing to do. I hope you get the support you need.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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