Ask Sam letter


To Sam

relationships with male people

Hi sam

Could I have some help with my life because I'm scared of men when my little sis dad used to hit me and when a male person puts there hand out to give me a hand shake I say please don't hit me what should I do

Ask Sam


Hi there,

It's never ok for someone to deliberately hurt or injure another person. What’s happened to you is very wrong. And it’s understandable that this has left you with some uneasy and nervous feelings, even after the abuse has stopped.

This is called physical abuse and it’s your right to report what happened so that this will never happen again. It’s also really important to get support in coping with these feelings. You deserve to be happy and move forward from the difficult time you’ve been through.

What you’ve described to me is a very natural way to feel after what you’ve been through. You’ve told me that you experience this when you’re around men and it sounds like this brings up intense feelings and memories for you. When someone has been through a difficult experience it can cause lots of different reactions.

When you look at the people in your life, I wonder whether perhaps you can think of any adult males who you do have a close or good relationship with and feel they are supportive. Perhaps someone in your family, at school, or in your neighbourhood. It can take time for you to find that trust again, and it might be a good start to let others know what this is like for you.

It can be really scary asking an adult for help. But it can really help to talk through what you’ve been through and what it’s like for you to be around men now. Sometimes talking can be the first step towards getting support and coping better over time.

You don’t have to cope alone. Our counsellors are always here to talk things through. You can call free on 0800 1111, log in for a 1-2-1 chat or send an email.

Take care for now,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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