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To Sam

My life is just f***ing up

hi. im 14 and i need advice, my mum is getting married to someone, he attacked her. And she has covered it up for him. He hates me, he just started shouting using really hurtful words while being right up in my face, mum just told him to stop (having to hold him back from me) then continued to shout at me

i go through this most days, and im struggling to cope with my daily stuff, as i think or dread about whats coming. This is affect tof my school life, this is a problem since im starting part of my exams for next year.

what an i do? I feel like giving up everyday, but i just hope that it will be better tommorow, this is slowly breaking me down i can feel it. As well i have done any thing to try and stop this constant thinking, such as drugs and alcohol. I would normally refuse to do this but, my freinds say it will cheer up. However, i just feel more depressed and lonely. Pls help im struggling! Thank you

Ask Sam


Hi there,

What your mum's boyfriend is doing is wrong. It is called domestic violence or domestic abuse. He should not be hurting your mum or getting into your face and using those words about you. It must be really upsetting to know this is happening to your mum. It can be difficult to understand why she has covered up for him. Sometimes people who are in abusive relationships are scared to leave or hope that the violence will stop.

Living with domestic abuse can have a big impact and I can understand why this has left you struggling to cope. It has affected all aspects of your life, for example home, school and time with friends.

It seems like the drugs and alcohol have made you feel worse. It's dangerous to take drugs as some can be unsafe and make you ill. They can also be very addictive. Drinking alcohol can also be harmful to your health.

It’s really important that you keep yourself safe. The abuse is not your fault and it is not your responsibility to stop the violence. Stepping in could put you in more danger.

The most helpful thing you can do is speak to a trusted adult about what is happening. This could be a family member or someone like a teacher at school. By doing this they will be able to try and help make this stop. Speaking to a teacher will also help them understand that you may need more support for exams. 

You could also talk to your mum as she may not realise how much this is affecting you.

Have a look on the message boards to see how other young people cope in a similar situation, and remember, you can always speak to a counsellor.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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