Ask Sam letter

Asker

To Sam

I hate myself.

Growing up I was really happy and confident and wouldn’t care about what people thought of me. Since I’ve started secondary school I can’t wear what I want or say what I want or go outside without feeling unhappy.
Basically if I’m walking around school I get targeted because I’m mixed raced and its just older boys and they'll be like 'go back to your own country' or 'you don’t deserve to be here' and I was born here and I'm unsure of what to do because it isn't easy to brush it off and pretend they never said anything.
I know bullying is meant to be constant but it’s not really the same group of boys all the time and it's only if they see me so it’s not bullying. It’s happened outside of school a couple of times and it’ll just be someone walking past then quickly saying an offensive word.
I hate it because it makes me feel different and makes me hate myself. I've wanted to kill myself and had thoughts on committing suicide because then I wouldn’t be such a problem to everyone. I want to feel confident I'm sick of being me and I just wish I was never born.
Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for your letter telling me how things are for you and about how you feel.

You said you didn’t used to care about what people said about you and you were confident and happy. It sounds like the way people are treating you now is really affecting your self-confidence. I want you to know that it is really wrong for these people to be saying what they do to you. They are being racist and it’s important that you know it isn’t your fault. There is some useful information in the Explore section on racism. Racism is wrong and no-one has the right to say negative things about your identity. You belong here and have the same rights as everyone else that lives in the UK.

You’ve said that you don’t think these comments are bullying because they are not constant. Calling someone names or making nasty comments is bullying and is never ok, even if it just happens once.

You are important and I am concerned to hear you say you feel like taking your life. I don’t want you to kill yourself and I believe that with the right support things will start to feel more positive for you again. ChildLine is here to help you find ways to stay safe during this difficult time.

Talking about the things on your mind can help to get things out into the open. Sometimes it can help to think about the people in your life that you feel you can talk to and what it would be like to tell them about what’s going on for you. I wonder who you feel close to and whether this is a friend/family member/teacher etc. Talking to someone can be hard but you have managed to write to me and that is really positive. Your school has a legal duty to make sure every student is protected from racism. That means they have to take this very seriously if you decide to tell them about it.

You can also check out the racism thread on the message boards, where you can talk with other young people and get advice with the things going on for you. I hope that you will also notice how not all young people are racist and abusive, and the support you can get on the message boards can remind you that many young people can be welcoming and helpful.

Perhaps you can also have a think about talking with a ChildLine counsellor about your options. You can either do this over the phone free by calling 0800 1111 or by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care

Sam

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