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To Sam

I hate my dad

I used to tell people how i hate my dad and they always told me i was being stupid or that hate is a strong word but i'm now 16 and the possibility of leaving home to go to uni in 2 years is the only thing that keeps me going. I can't remember one happy memory with my dad. He constantly insults me and my siblings and hits us sometimes. me more than the other two. Its come to the point where i cant handle it anymore. my friends dad died a few years back and i was jealous that it was her dad and not mine.

I've been self harming for about years becuase of low self esteem and he just makes it worse. the older i get the more i resent and despise him.
i hate my home life and as i've just started sixthform at a new school i don't know any of the teachers so i have no one to talk to about it, not that i did before but i had teachers i could see and cry too before and now i feel so alone

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Thank you for sharing with me the way you are feeling. Things are at home sound really tough and it seems like you’ve been dealing with this alone for a long time now. I hope that writing this letter will help you to realise how much it helps to share what’s going on with someone and will help you to continue to get some support.

It sounds like your dad has made you feel low and unhappy for a long time and that you, being the oldest, have maybe had it worse than your siblings. I can hear how bad things are when you say you hate your dad and you were jealous that your friends’ dad died rather than yours. I know that these are not easy things for anyone to say but I’m pleased you were able to be honest with me.

Bottling up all of this upset and hurt can be really difficult and you say how you’ve been self-harming for a long time. Again, I’m pleased you felt you could be honest with me. I know the counsellors at ChildLine talk to a lot of young people who self-harm and understand it is a way of coping. You might find that talking to them and looking at other, less harmful ways of coping might help you to reduce and maybe eventually stop self-harming.

It sounds like starting 6th form has been difficult for you and you feel very alone. I can hear that maybe you felt ready to start talking but it’s difficult because you don’t really know any of the teachers.  Maybe you could see if they have any pastoral care or counsellors at your 6th form that you could talk to and get some support from. A lot of young people have told me that they have found talking to services like these useful, because it is sometimes easier to talk to strangers.

I can hear how the thought of going to university in 2 years is keeping you going at the moment. It’s really good to have those future plans in mind when things are tough.

I’m aware that you talked about other siblings who may also need support and I wondered if it might be good to let them know that they can also talk to ChildLine whenever they need to.

If you do feel that it would help you to talk to a ChildLine counsellor, you can call them for free on 0800 1111. Or you can log on for a 1-2-1 chat or send an email.

Take care

Sam

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