Ask Sam letter


To Sam

I dont what to do

Hi. I'm 15 years old and I'm a student finishing high school, I have recently came out as lesbian, to my friends who have been absolutely amazing helping me and supporting me and making me feel normal. But my mum on the other hand, is in denial. She'd make wee digs at something on the tv or anything else talking about gays, knowing I can hear her and that I'm in the room, and she makes me feel so uncomfortable, I can be myself in school and outside with my friends, because I'm not ashamed of being lesbian but around my family, I have to pretend to be something in not which really affects me, help me Sam?
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Making the decision to come out was a big, brave step and shows you are being honest to yourself and those around you.

Being a lesbian does not make you ‘not normal’, so it’s good to hear your friends are supporting you. Many LGBT people talk about how much more positive their lives can be after coming out. It seems that whilst you’re at school and with your friends, this is true for you.

I can hear things at home are very different. You are right not to be ashamed and you should not have to pretend to be someone you’re not at home. Being LGBT doesn’t change who you are, and your parents should accept that. You can read more about  LGB issues and coming out here. Sometimes, someone’s first reaction to you coming out might not reflect how they will feel as time goes on. It might be that your mum needs a while to adjust. Perhaps over time she will begin to accept you for who you are.

You could speak to your mum about how she’s making you feel. If you don’t feel able to speak to your mum in person, perhaps you could write down your feelings in a letter to give to her.

If you want to practice what you might say to your mum, you could always rehearse this with a ChildLine counsellor. You say home life is really affecting you, so remember this is also something that you could speak to a counsellor about.

Thanks for sharing your experience about coming out. I think there will be lots of young people out there who will relate to your experience and who will find your letter comforting and reassuring.

Take care,


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