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I don't know what to do

dear Sam,

My whole life my mother has put me down. My rights always come after my brothers, because i'm older. When i was about 7 or 9 my mother used to hit me with a wooden spoon or with her own hand. She shouts and screams at me and calls me names like slut and fat bitch. she says i'm selfish and lazy. i have thought many times of running away but when i do she just gets angryer. She says i don't hav any right to talk back and that my life is good and bettor of than others. i know that i am in a much betor possistion to other people and i have nice cloths and a new smartphone but when you see the angry in her eyes when she looks at me in one of her moods it reminds me of how scared and upset i am all the time.

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Sam

Hi there,

Sorry to hear that things have been difficult at home for you and that you are feeling scared. It's really positive though that you are seeking some help with your situation and how you feel about how your mum is with you. It can be really confusing when adults tell young people that they don't have rights. It's really important that you know you do have rights. Young people have many rights, you have the right to your own opinion, to feel safe, secure, respected and supported.   

Your mum may provide material things for you but this does not mean that she then has the right to shout and scream at you and to call you names like this. Try to remember that these names do not describe you, and who you are. It can be difficult when you have been called these names all your life not to believe them. One way to try to protect yourself from this is to remember the positive things about you, your strengths and special qualities, the things that really do describe you! 

It could also be helpful  for you to talk to a trusted adult about your concerns and let someone know what your mum is like with you, this can be someone you feel you can talk to in your family, a teacher, school nurse or a school counsellor. You have also said that your mum used to hit you when you were younger, your mum also did not have the right to do that and every young person has the right to be protected from physical harm and abuse, it could also really help for you to talk to someone about how this has made you feel. 

You are also very welcome to talk to a ChildLine counsellor, by phoning 0800 1111 or using online 1-2-1 chat. You may also find it helpful to take a look at what other young people have to say on the ChildLine message boards or even start your own message thread. You might also find the physical and emotional abuse videos on the ChildLine website helpful.

Hope this helps and take care,

Sam

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