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To Sam

I don't know if I was raped...

So basically when I was 14 I went camping with some friends, and this one guy started kissing me. We were fooling around but I never intended to sleep with him, I didn't even consider it, i didn't want to, not even a little. Anyway, he asked me if I was a virgin and I told him I was, so he said we won't have sex then and I said okay, and a few seconds later he did it anyway. i never showed any signs of wanting sex, I never asked for it and I never wanted it, but I still feel like it's my fault. I still stay up late thinking about it and crying about it, and I don't know what to do. He was 18 and I was 14, too, and that seemed wrong to me... How do I stop blaming myself for this night?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

If someone forces you to have sex when you've said no, or when you're asleep or drunk, then this is rape. It's never okay for someone to do that and it's not your fault. It's common for people to have confusing feelings after they've been raped, but there is help that you can get.

It can take time for someone to feel able to get help after something difficult has happened to them. It might take weeks, months or even years for a person to feel ready to talk to someone and start to move on. It's never too late to start getting help.

There's help available for people who've been through sexual assault and rape - and a few different places to start. Rape Crisis is a good place to start if you're looking for specialist help. They can help you to find face-to-face or telephone services in your local area who you could speak to. If you wanted you can also go to your GP, who can make sure you get the support you need.

If you don't feel ready for any of that but want to talk online, then Childline can help. We're able to talk either on the phone or by 1-2-1 chat, whichever is most comfortable for you. It can be a good first step to begin talking about what happened in a confidential space.

I hope that helps, thanks for your letter.


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