Ask Sam letter


To Sam


I have this friend she is sort of my friend, but not really. At first, she was nice and funny. Then she started sorta-physical bullying me. This includes writing and scraping on my desk, ripping my hair elastics, assignments, notebooks and that are important, and even pinching, slapping me really hard that I could have got a black eye, and pulling my hair. I feel really desperate and misrable because I am a strait A student and I feel extremely pained when I have to face my teacher and lie about forgetting my homework at home, when it's all cut up in my desk by my "friend". I love my mom, and every day she complains about my stuff being so messy and why I'm not as proper as before. Me and my friends try to face her and tell that what she is doing is wrong, but she is incredibly strong so we can't. She is also a vengeful person, so I can't tell on her or explain to my parents or something. Plus, she would hurt me more. Help me, it's physical bullying and vandalism.   
Ask Sam


Hi there,

I’m glad you thought of writing to me about how you’re being bullied by a girl who is kind of a friend. What you’re describing is very severe bullying, but it sounds like you’re already aware of that. I can hear that it’s causing you a lot of emotional pain. It also seems to be making you do things you’d never normally do (like lying to a teacher about homework and not telling your mum why your stuff is so messy).

I’m glad to hear that it sounds like you have some support from your other friends. You describe this girl as strong and vengeful and, of course, she’s counting on having control and power over you. It doesn’t sound like she’s going to change her behaviour without an adult stepping in. Although I can hear how frightening she can be, it’s really important that you and your friends get the support you deserve to end this bullying.

One thing you could try is to keep a secret diary (kept at home and kept secret from all of your friends) where you list by date every unkind thing that this girl does from now on. You also can make entries for things that happened in the past. For example, you may well remember what date she destroyed a past homework assignment or a notebook of yours. All of that could go into the diary.

With a secret diary you have clear evidence and proof of what she has been doing. That could really help you talk to a teacher or parent about the bullying. This might help them understand exactly how hard things have been for you and how it’s making you feel. It sounds like you’re scared that she’ll take revenge for you “telling” but if you tell the adults around you that, then they can help protect you. What this girl is doing is wrong and you have every right to feel safe and not be forced to lie to others. At ChildLine we’d like to help you take steps towards getting help.

You could take a look at our bullying pages for more information and advice. You could also take a look at the bullying message boards where young people post comments to support one another. I hope the information and posts also will help you feel a bit less alone with this problem.

I’m hoping you might be able to talk to one of our counsellors about this. You can do this with a free phone call or with an online 1-2-1 chat at any time.

Take care,


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