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Feeling guilty about being kissed when I said no

Hi sam. Iv just recently turned 18 so iv been out with my friends at clubs. My boyfriend is away on holiday so he wasnt with me this particular time. I went back to a house party with a friend and 2 guys i had never met when one of them started to touch me. I told him no and said i had a boyfriend but he continued. Before i knew it he was kissing me but i was pulling away and i tried to leave but he just wouldnt stop. I feel guilty that this happened and i dont know what to tell my boyfriend. Was it my fault?

Ask Sam


Hi there,

Whenever someone tries to do something sexual with you when you don't want them to, this is assault. Touching and kissing someone is only okay if they have said yes and that they want to. You haven't done anything wrong and it's not your fault. It's really important to make sure you get support for what's happened and don't try to keep everything inside.

Parties can be times when people might try something sexual - especially if people have been drinking. There is never any excuse when someone ignores a person telling them they don't want to be touched. Saying no should be enough and anyone who ignores this is breaking the law.

It's up to you to decide if you tell your boyfriend, but it's important to know that you haven't done anything wrong. If you have a healthy relationship, your partner should care about you and your feelings and want to support you. As the person who knows him best, you need to judge whether you think he is the best person to go to first.

The first person you tell should be someone you trust and care about. This might be your boyfriend, but if not then it could be someone in your family or a friend. Whoever it is you should look to get support from them at your own pace and in whichever way you want. This is something you can go to the police about if you wanted.

If you'd like to talk about what happened in private, you can get in touch with a Childline counsellor.

Thanks for your letter, it's very brave of you to talk about this with me. Take care.


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