Ask Sam letter


To Sam


I'm 16 and my boyfriend of 3 years proposed to me on my 16th birthday - I was, of course, delighted and our parents have given us consent to marry although I don't think this would happen for a long while yet, as I know we're still young.  But then at school i was asked to take off my ring (no jewelry allowed) and I explained to the teacher it was actually my engagement ring, and that i really didnt want to remove it; but another girl overheard and now everyone knows. There's been a lot of rude talk behind my back and even a few people directly calling me a slut/whore to my face, which is first ridiculous because I'm a virgin but it's really getting me down. No one's ever spoken to me in that way before and I don't know what to say back and my friends aren't really sticking up for me. It makes me feel really ashamed, even though I don't think I've done anything wrong.  Its getting really quite severe and its making me feel depressed and i hardly feel like i want to go to school anymore.  is there anything I could say back, how can I ignore them, and what should I do? Thankyou x
Ask Sam


Hi there,

Thank you for writing to me and telling me a little bit about what is going on for you. It's really good that you feel happy in your relationship. It's also great to hear that you have the support of your parents and have positive plans for the future.

The teacher may have had reasons for asking you to take off your ring. For example, some schools have a strict dress code or it may be because of health and safety. I can hear that asking for you to remove it not only upset you but resulted in other people hearing about your engagement when you may not have been ready to tell anyone.

It's really wrong for people to be calling you those names and making you feel this way. Trying to ignore hurtful comments is not always easy, especially when it is making you not want to go to school. You also mentioned your friends are not sticking up for you. They might be scared. Perhaps they don't want to get involved or do not know what to say.

You have done nothing wrong and you have nothing to be ashamed of. One way to stop bullying is to tell a trusted adult. That could be a family member or a teacher, for example. Many schools have an anti-bullying policy to try to prevent bullying or make it stop when it is happening.

You could also think about talking to the teacher who asked you to remove your ring as she may not be aware you are getting bullied. None of this is your fault and you have the right to go to school and feel happy and safe. You may find our page about bullying helpful.

You mention you feel depressed. When there is a lot going on it can make us feel low but feeling depressed doesn’t mean you have depression – which is a medical condition. Depression is something that a doctor would be able to diagnose and support you with if you have this. I can hear that there is a lot going on in your life at the moment and talking to someone about how you feel will help you to get the support you deserve so that things can be different.

You have been really brave to share this with me, and you don't have to cope with all of this on your own. Our counsellors here at ChildLine are there to support you and you can call us free on 0800 1111, log in for a 1-2-1 chat or email us.

Take care,

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