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Bullied for losing my virginity

hello Sam,

i lost my virginity (with consent!) to my boyfriend quite a few months ago. Even though multiple girls at my school have done so as well- i am getting bullied for it.

this is causing me lots of distress.. i suffer from depression and anxiety and am hoping to move schools asap. however im not allowed to move until i tell my parents whats happening at school. unfortunately am i very uncomfortable with doing so..

how can i get myself to tell my parents? or how can i help myself in my situation?

thank you so much,

Ask Sam

Sam

Hi there,

Bullying is never okay and nobody deserves to be treated this way. Everyone has a right to choose when they become sexually active and you should not be bullied for that choice.  It can feel impossible to stop someone bullying you, but the situation can change with some help.

It should be your choice when you lose your virginity, if you choose to lose it at all. There is no shame in having sex, no matter how much you have it – whether that’s lots or not at all. Nobody should bully you or make you feel embarrassed about your sexuality and how you express that.

Some people don’t want to tell their parents they are sexually active. This may be because they want privacy and control. In your case it makes it difficult to tell them about the bullying because you may also have to tell them you lost your virginity. For some people talking about this isn’t a problem, but because you are uncomfortable about talking to your parents you would need to overcome that first.

Getting the confidence to talk to your parents might start with looking at how you feel about losing your virginity yourself. When someone is bullied, they can start to believe what they are being told. You made the choice to have sex and were comfortable with that decision. If you remind yourself of this often then what people at school think will become less and less important.

Once you feel able to be open about being sexually active it means you can not only tell your parents about the bullying, but it also takes some of the power away from anyone who bullies you.

It’s also worth mentioning that your school have a responsibility to make sure that you are safe and well. Your teachers have a duty to look after you and bullying is something you can always tell school about. Remember that our counsellors can support you in what you are going through and help you decide for yourself what you'd like to do next.

Take care,

Sam

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