Ask Sam letter


To Sam

Being in foster care

Hi, sam well ive been in foster care for 8 years now and now i'm 16 things have started to change. I'm not treated right anymore and its really annoying. My girlfriend and her family asked me to go on holiday with them and i thought this would be alright so of course i said yes and i was really happy about going, i check with my foster carer first and she also said that would be fine, a day later she tells that i can't go which got me angry but i got over it the same day. The next day she came and said to me that i could go but she would need to talk to my girlfriend's mum first about it all, which was fine and they spoke then that same night my carer said no again and rang my girlfriend's mum and said i couldn't go, Once i got to 16 i got told that i would be able to do more stuff now but this hasnt happened. I don't get anything brought for me anymore which i should because she gets money to buy me stuff and ive check and this should be happening and it doesn't. I feel like i'm only here to do the house work and look after her dogs. I can't go out because she is at work and i have to stay at home with her dogs. When i see my girlfriend round my house it has to be downstairs so i don't have any private time with her which i wouldnt do because she is only 15 and i know the law. I just feel like i can't do anything anymore and i need help.

Thank you for your time, look forward to hearing to you.

Ask Sam


Hi there,

It can be really difficult as you get older wanting more independence and not being allowed it. Sometimes being in care can make that extra difficult as things you want to do may need to be checked out with both carers and social workers. 

If you’ve been told that you can have more independence as you get older and that’s not happening it might worth discussing it with your carer and social worker to get some clearer answers, especially if what you’ve been told seems to keep on changing. 

It can be difficult feeling like you’re not in control of some decisions about your life and part of a foster carers’ role should be not only be to keep you safe but also to help you become independent in the future.

If a carer is being given money specifically to buy essential items for you then that should be happening, and if that isn’t happening for any reason it could be something to talk to your social worker about. If you did feel worried about talking to your social worker then ChildLine could help you make contact with them.

If you feel your social worker is not listening to you, or you just find it hard to talk to them, advocacy services can provide independent support and can help you complain if things are not right for you or if you feel you are being treated unfairly.

There are a few different advocacy services in the UK such as Coram Voice, National Youth Advocacy Service and, if you're in Scotland, Whocares?

You can always talk any of this through some more with a ChildLine counsellor either by calling or using the 1-2-1 chat on our website.

Take care,

Need help straight away?

You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.

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