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Hi there,
Special occasions that are spent with people we love can get really hard when someone dies. Holidays such as Christmas or Eid are times when memories of lost loved ones are especially strong. Its okay to feel the way you feel.
Whenever someone dies it leaves a gap in our lives. The people who mean the most to us leave the biggest hole when they die. Whenever we notice this gap it can make us sad and bring back feelings even when we thought wed managed to move on.
Most of the memories youll have of your nan will be positive and happy, yet its the sad memory of her dying that is sticking in your mind the most. This one memory is so much bigger for you because its more recent.
It can take a long time for us to begin to heal when weve lost someone but it does get a bit easier. This Christmas youre likely to feel all those same feelings you did last year but it might be just that little bit easier than last time. The next year it might be a little easier again.
Coming to terms with someones death doesnt mean forgetting them and it doesnt mean you dont care any more it just means you are able to focus on the happy times you had with them, and not so much the sadness you feel now that theyre gone.
To make it easier for you whilst you are still grieving, you might want to do something like write a Christmas card for your nan or make her a gift. This is something you can do in memory of her and the act of doing that can help you to cope.
Read more about coping when someone dies.
I hope this was useful for you, thanks for your letter.
Sam
You can talk privately to a counsellor online or call 0800 1111 for free.
You can ask me about anything you want, there's nothing too big or small. I read every single letter but I can only answer a few each week. My replies are published here on my page.
