When someone dies

Losing someone

The death of someone you care about can be very difficult. These feelings are sometimes called grief. It's natural to have strong reactions when someone you care about dies.

You might feel:

sad
like you can't handle things
confused
scared
numb
worried that you may never feel OK again.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to feel better straight away. These feelings will change over time. It's important to try to accept how you feel.

You might also be upset about the death of an animal or pet. Or when someone's still alive but you're not able to see or talk to them anymore. This can also really hurt.

Remember that there’s no right or wrong way to feel

Nobody can tell you how you should feel after someone dies – everyone has their own way of dealing with loss.

Things to remember

Talk to a safe adult or Childline about how you're feeling can really help.
It's OK to feel the way that you feel, cry if you feel like it.
Look after yourself – remember to eat well and get plenty of rest.
Things can get easier over time.

Talk to a safe adult

Get advice on how to talk to a safe adult.

ways to cope when someone dies

It's important to remember that feeling upset, scared or worried is normal. Lots of people feel this way after someone has died, but it's also OK if you don't.

If someone dies suddenly, you might feel shocked or worried. You might find your feelings very tough to deal with but there are things that can help you cope.

Talk to someone

You might be worried about upsetting people you're close to, but sharing how you feel can help you to support each other. Talking about how you're feeling can really help.

Remember that you can also always talk to Childline any time.

How you feel after a death can change over time, but even if someone died a long time ago it's OK to still feel like you're struggling. It's OK if you want to keep talking about it. You deserve to have the support that you need.

Express yourself

You might feel like you need to keep your feelings to yourself. Or that it's too much to let them out. But there are lots of small ways to let your feelings out. Finding what's right for you can really help. Why not try:

expressing your feelings with the Art box or doing something creative
letting out your anger by screaming into a pillow
writing a letter to the person who died saying how you feel – you could keep the letter, or destroy it
keeping a diary of how you're feeling
letting yourself cry.

You might want to express your feelings with a safe adult, or it might feel easier doing it by yourself. No matter how you express yourself, it can help to talk about it afterwards.

Get support

We're always here to listen and support you.

Reactions to losing someone

Everyone reacts to death differently and there's no right or wrong way to feel. When someone dies, you might feel:

shocked or numb

You might have trouble believing what’s happened and that the person has died. You could feel like you can't take it in or make sense of it.

However you’re feeling talking to a safe adult or to Childline can really help.

angry

You might be angry at other people, or at the person who has died. It's also normal to be angry with anything else, even normal things that you aren't usually bothered by. All of these feelings are natural reactions to losing someone you love.

guilty

You might be blaming yourself in some way for what's happened. Maybe you regret something you said or did. There might be something you wish you could've done. It's normal to be left with these difficult feelings. But it's important not to blame yourself.

It might help to ask yourself what the person you’ve lost might say about your feelings. Would they want you to feel responsible for things in the past that can no longer be changed? What might they say to you if they were still able to talk to you?

scared

It may seem like everything has changed very suddenly, or you might not know what's going to happen next. This can feel very worrying. Things may not be the same. but that doesn't mean things won't get easier or less scary in the future.

You may feel worried that someone else could die as well. Sharing your worries with a safe adult can help you feel less worried.

relieved

If someone was very ill or suffering you might feel relief that their pain has stopped. You might feel relieved if someone who was hurting you has died.

It’s OK to feel relieved. Your thoughts and feelings are normal. It can be helpful to talk to a safe adult about how you feel.

Feelings

Learn how to cope with your feelings

Saying goodbye to someone who has died

You could be feeling worried about the funeral. You may be unsure about what’s going to happen and feel worried about feeling really upset on the day.

It’s OK to feel like this and it can really help to share these feelings with a safe adult or with a Childline counsellor.

Remembering someone who has died

Lots of people worry about forgetting someone who has died. It can help to collect things that help remind you of the person, like photos and gifts. You can keep these in a box or a safe place and take them out a reminder any time you want.

You might want to visit the grave or the place the ashes were scattered. But sometimes this can feel scary. If you’re not sure, it can help to talk to a safe adult.

You may find that birthdays and special events are times when you miss them most. But doing something to remember them on the day can really help.

When someone famous dies

It can be very upsetting when someone famous dies and it may have come as a real shock. Even if you haven’t met or spoken to them they could have played a big part in your life. Maybe you saw them on TV a lot or listened to their music most days. Their death may have reminded you of somebody else you really cared about who also died.

It’s OK to feel really upset. Sharing how you feel with a safe adult or Childline could really help.

Coping kit

However you're feeling, the Coping Kit can help you find ways to cope.