Self harm

Self-harm is when people set out to hurt themselves deliberately, sometimes in a secret way. Self-harm can include cutting, burning, bruising or poisoning, but does not usually mean that someone wants to take their own life.

If you ever feel like hurting yourself, please remember ChildLine is here to support you and can help you to find more helpful ways of dealing with your difficult emotions.

Why do people self-harm?
Self-harm can be a way for a young person to show that they are feeling a lot
of pain and hurt. There are many reasons why young people might harm themselves - the need to self-harm usually comes from emotions that are very difficult for them to manage. The emotions could be related to any number of things, such as bullying or abuse.

Self harm People might self-harm because it's a way of releasing tension or anger. It’s a physical pain that they can deal with, rather than an emotional feeling that they find hard to cope with. It is also a way of controlling something, especially if they feel that other parts of their life are out of control.

Self-harm can also be used as a form of self-punishment for something that a person has done, think they have done, are told by someone else they have done, or something which has been done to them.

Some young people tell us that they find self-harm addictive at times, or it can become a habit and a way of suppressing difficult emotions.

If young people are not helped to stop self-harming, there is a risk that their self-harm could go too far and cause serious damage / accidental death.

Who self-harms?
There have been many assumptions made about people who self-harm, however what is clear is that self-harm is something that people from all walks of life can struggle with. This does not depend on your sex, age, religion or background. The important fact to remember is that you are not alone in this.

Please remember ChildLine is here to listen and support you, and you can talk to other young people who have/are experiencing similar feelings on our message board.

How do people self-harm?
There are many ways that people self-harm. These might include:

• Cutting or scratching
• Causing bruises
• Banging heads against walls
• Pulling out hair
• Burning
• Falling over
• Breaking an arm or leg

I want to cut myself, what can I do?
You might find it helpful to try some of these things when you are feeling like you could self-harm:

• Write down your negative feelings on a piece of paper and rip it up
• Keep a book or diary of feelings
• Do something physical like running or swimming, or making a lot of noise
• Call a friend and talk to them

You can talk to ChildLine any time you feel out of control or that you might self-harm. We will be here anytime you feel like hurting yourself and you can talk to us about anything.

I don't want to self-harm anymore, but I don't know how to stop.

The most important thing to remember is that you have choices – if you’ve decided you don’t want to self-harm any more then you have already taken the first step to stopping.
If you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself in some way, or you have already started to self-harm, and you aren’t sure how to stop, it may be helpful to get support by talking to someone you trust about what's wrong. You can speak to ChildLine at any time about your problems, especially when you feel like you might self-harm. Sometimes tackling the cause of the problem will help stop you from feeling like you want to hurt yourself. Also by just talking about how you are feeling it can help you to feel less like wanting to self-harm.
How do I tell someone that I'm self-harming?

Often it can be difficult for a young person to understand why they are self-harming, therefore finding words to explain it to someone else can be hard. It’s very good that you’ve decided you want to tell someone that you are self-harming, and you should acknowledge that that’s a very brave first step.

Is there someone in your life you feel you could trust and would feel comfortable speaking to? This could be your mum or dad, a teacher, a doctor, or an adult that you feel you can trust.

Once you’ve thought about who you’d like to tell, you could then think about how you’d tell them. You might like to speak to a ChildLine counsellor first and practise the conversation with them, to help build your confidence. You might also find it helpful to keep a diary, or to write a letter to the person, which you could share with them when you are ready.

Unfortunately you can’t guarantee how someone is going to react when you tell them about self-harming. They might find the conversation upsetting or uncomfortable, not know what to say or react in a way you did not expect or do not find helpful. If this happens you can speak to a counsellor at ChildLine who can support you and help you think about your next steps. It’s important to remember that you are never alone and that ChildLine will always be here to listen to you.
My friend is self-harming, how can I help them?

Discovering someone you care about is self-harming can leave you feeling worried, confused and a bit helpless, but there are things you can do to help:

- Remember that it may have been really difficult for them to have told you about this and not to judge them for what they are telling you.
- Listen to how they feel, sometimes just being there for your friend may be what they need.
- Encourage them to get support with how they are feeling.
- Look after yourself and make sure that you get support as well.

Remember that ChildLine is here to listen whenever you or your friend need us.