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 Help? :S

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  • aj3373

    10 July 2012 at 22:40

    Help? :S

     

    I was sexually abused years ago, and only remembered about this a couple of months ago. I now keep having flashbacks about what happened, and I have tried everything to move on, but I'm really struggling. I just need someone to talk to. 

    The only reason it stopped was because we moved to a different country... 
    No one knew anything of this when it happened, and my parents only found out very recently that something like that had happened - when i told them. 


    The fact that there is no evidence that it happened - apart from my memories - scares me. I spend half the time wondering if it did happen. And the other half hating myself for letting it happen. 

    please help, 
    i could do with any advice you have 
    x aj
  • kjg1995

    11 July 2012 at 20:37

     

    hey, i was sexually abused too i often have flashbacks as well. You could maybe try going to see your GP and tell them whats been happening about the flashbacks, i know it's scary and hard tho, as i have been thinking about it for months, but still havn't gone, so don't worry if you dont want to go.

    Also you could try talking to a childline counsellor, they are very helpful and will help you think of ways to cope, i have been through loads and they have helped me every step of the way.

    Just because there is no evidence doesn't mean it didnt happen, and it definately wasn't your fault, what they did to you was wrong and they should never have done it, so please don't blame yourself, i did that too and it's horrible cause your scared you will get in trouble since you think it's your fault, but you won't as it's not your fault.

    I hope this helped, and i am always here if you have any questions or whatever.

  • aj3373

    12 July 2012 at 18:09

     

    hey kjg1995, 

    thanks for your reply :) x

    I'm so sorry to hear that you were also sexually abused...! :(

    I have been working with people from camhs (child and adolescent mental health service..) for over 6months now and i guess it has helped quite a bit! But it has also had its difficulties.. I wasn't much of a talker before.. and I've had to work on it so much. I've also kept this a secret for so many years now and it's been really awkward and difficult to talk about it.. :S But it's still early days i guess.. 

    i've also been talking to childline counsellors, and yeah - they're a great help :) x

    i was also worried that something was actually wrong with me (physically) because of what happened.. and i am considering going to my gp about that... the thought of it  scares the daylights out of me, but i think at some point that will be useful. - my camhs person also suggested it.. 

    i hope you're okay - i somewhat know the pain and torture flashbacks can be, and i wish you good luck with getting help for them x

    i'm also here if you need anything :) 
    x aj
  • kjg1995

    12 July 2012 at 20:50

     

    Hi, thanks but you really don't need to be sorry, you didnt do anything wrong.

    I'm glad to here you have been getting support tho, and i think it would be good if you considered going to see your GP, i know it probablly sounds stupid me telling you as i still havnt been.

    And i totally understand what you mean about hiding it, and it being awkward, as i was the same.

    Thanks again it's nice knowing that you are there.

  • aj3373

    16 July 2012 at 14:34

     

    Hi,
    Ah, it's a hard choice though - going to see you GP (I think so anyway,,) especially if you're not used to it.. Take you time! :) x

    I'm so nervous I'm sure I'm just end up babbling even if I do go.. :S

    I was just wondering 0 does it ever get any easier to talk about it? 
    And about the flashbacks, they seem to be getting more and more clearer and realistic and I'm so terrified that I'm going to remember more (up till recently I could only remember a few bits..) it's absolutely terrifying me, and I cannot close my eyes without it haunting me. It's worst especially at night - when there are no other distracitons.. 

    x 
    aj
  • kjg1995

    16 July 2012 at 15:46

     
    aj3373 - Today at 14:34

     

    Hi,
    Ah, it's a hard choice though - going to see you GP (I think so anyway,,) especially if you're not used to it.. Take you time! :) x

    I'm so nervous I'm sure I'm just end up babbling even if I do go.. :S

    I was just wondering 0 does it ever get any easier to talk about it? 
    And about the flashbacks, they seem to be getting more and more clearer and realistic and I'm so terrified that I'm going to remember more (up till recently I could only remember a few bits..) it's absolutely terrifying me, and I cannot close my eyes without it haunting me. It's worst especially at night - when there are no other distracitons.. 

    x 
    aj

     

    hey, yeah it is a hard decision, and you have to make sure that you do it for yourself, and that it is what you want.

    well some times i have found it easier to talk about it, but others i havnt, i think when it's someone new it's always going to be hard. And i have had a few unexpected things happen, and it's resulted in them finding out, so that could just be why i find it hard still. But everyone is different and deals with things differently, so somthing you find hard i might not find so har, or vise verser, so i wouldn't worry about things too much if you are struggling, as there is always help out there, even if your not to sure about it.

    i was the same with flashbacks, but i think it's because the more you think about what happened, and the more you play it over and over again in your head the worse things are. I'm the same at night with them too, i think it might possibly have something to do with you being tired too, as i find every noise i panic, with makes me think over and over.

    A few things i tried to help distract me at night and go to sleep were; reading (but i couldn't really concentrate on it that well), watch something on the internet while lying in bed (like iplayer/4od/channel5), listening to music/the radio (it kept me distracted but i couldn't go to sleep and was still awake at 5am :/ ), drawing, or writing a story/poem; you could try some of these things and similar things to see if they work for you.

    Hope this helped, take care. :)  

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