Hi!
firstly thanku sooooooooooo much for replying to me. you have no idea what it means to me!!!!!! sorry its taken me a little while to write back, i got taken into hospital again in the early hours of tuesday morning coz i had trouble breathing and was in lots of pain, i got taken to intensive care and got really scared coz i thought 'it' was going to happen. but it didnt :) i got given a special mask to help me breathe (its even noiser that the oxygen) and got given lots of medicine to help the pain. things are a little bit better now and im on a normal ward again. the pain is still bad but the medicine keeps making me sleepy which helps me rest but it just hurts if i move to much. ive been asleep all day and now again that its nighttime my eyes dont want to close...rubbish!am trying to b a bit more positive tho as i thort that was it on tues...but it wasnt so i shld just b thankful that i have got even more time with all the people around me! Thankyou so very much for replying to me, its been so nice to see people have writtenback. it stops the boredom, distracts me and most of all it stops me from feeling so lonely, so from all of my heart thanku thanku thanku!!! xxxx
HI FIVE; thanku for ur msg, it really means a lot. i hope u are ok. sending u lots of love xxxxxxx
SILVER; MASSIVE HUG AND SQUEEZE BACK!!!!!yeah i agree, although being positive is really hard when i know what the outcome is going to b, it does really help to make me feel like im making the most of the moments i do have. some people dont even get this long with there familys or never get the chance to tell important people how much they love them...ive got that chance and im trying to take it :)i am really scared and i feel like i spend way too much time crying, its helped tlking to the nurse but at the end of the day i dnt think i can do anything but b a little bit sad and scared coz unfortunatley nothing is going to change whats going to happen. Thanku once again for replying, u truly do help me not to feel so alone! its so nice to see a reply from u!
love u loads and loads and more massive cuddles heading straight to u xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
KIZ; im so very sorry to hear what u have been thru, u sound amazing to have coped with all of that. massive inspiration. unfortunatley the cancer is definatlety progressed so far that there will only b one outcome but i am trying very hard to stay positve and enjoy each day to the full, even if somedays it means that all i can achieve is brushing my teeth and changing in to clean pjs i think its better than nothing?! havew u done lots of things on that list that u wanted to do? i cant do lots of the things on my list now but me and my big sisters sat and talked about them this evening as if we had done them, it was fun! i said how i wanted to go to the beach (but its far to cold now and we cant take the oxygen on long journeys) so my sister brought me in a little pot of sand, when im up to it we are goiing to find some music with waves on and then put sand on our feet so it feels like we r there...i think we will just end up getting very messy! oopps! but it sounds fun too. thanku for all ur lovely words, i hope that when the time comes everything is right and that people do remember happy things not just sad things. more than i want to get better ( which i wish i cld so veryh much) i want my family to b happy. that wld mean so much to me. thanku for really understanding me, it feels like very few people do, but i guess not many people as young as us face the fear of death. scary hey!thanku again and thanku for being so inspirational., ur so very brave xxxxx
CHARLIE; Hello my lovely, thanku for replying :) yeah it suchs having a chest infection and it is really scary that its sped everything up, i just feel really poorly, but i am just trying to enjoy each day as much as i can, and i do realise im fortunate enough im even here for a tiny bit longer, so many people dnt even get the time ive already had! i do feel better than i did yesterday but guess im feeling worse than a week ago which sucks, i am still fighting and its just made me want to fight harder, i realise i cant beat it but i just want each day to mean something not just sit and wait to go. im not sure about what ur doctor said, im in pain all the time, i guess its better when i dnt think about it but its defo stilll there! if that really worked then no1 wld ever feel pain ...right?however its a lot more fun smiling than being sad even if it does take more effort! i love that jessie J song sooooo much! i think its amazing, i love the words, seeing is decieving, dreaming is believing! i love it!!!! thanku for reminding me of it, im going to listen to it on my ipod in a min to try and think of nice things! what other songs do u like? do u watch the xfactor? i hope i can watch it tomoz but i will prob fall asleep! yeah the list is nice and safe, ive given it to my oldest sister and shes going to look after it. that sounds like such a cool idea about ur mum doing a skydive, my mum and dad always wanted to do a hot air ballon ride, dad booked one but i was too poorly for them to go so mayb they cld do it when im not hear.i like to think that il b in the clouds some day and i willl just b floating past them, i think thats how i want to think of it anyway.it sounds less scary that way! i find it really ard to let anybody leave at the moment coz i get scared it willl b the last time or i will die on my own, but thats a really nice thing about making sure u say something really nice before bed!!! :) my mummy always says 'nighty night shirts' before bed-i like that i think i will have a party if we can arrange it, i want to dress up nice and things, it wld b really fun.even if im tired i could still b around everyone and know they r there! that wld b the best bit. just hate making everyone sad, wld have to just make sure we had lots of happy music on!! :) hehhe and definatley a bit of jessie j. im sorry to hear ur ill alot. have u been ill for a long time, that anxierty disorder sounds really nasty, my sister had a panic attack once and that was bad enough. ur illness sounds horrible but im so glad uve come on here coz it means ive got to chat to u..which i think is sooo great! :) (coz ur great!) thanks again so much for writing back,its so lovely to hear from u and it does make me feel so much less lonely. it really really does! sending u a massive cuddle. lots of love xxx
NINA; so sorry to hear about ur friend. how did u cope? did anything she say or do make things easier or harder for u? i just want to know whats best for my friends and family. u sound very brave and i hope ur ok. i do hope that i just fall asleep and i have my family there but its really scary to think about too. trying to stay positive. i hope ur ok, thanku for replying. lots of love and ur friend is in my prayers xxxx
To all of u, sorry about my essay of a letter but i get so bored at nightime it just seemed like the best thing to do. thanku so much for replying, u truly have no idea how very grateful i am. so much love to all of u, stay nice and toasty! lots of love and hugs, K xxxx