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 was so scared thought it was going to happen again

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  • jlsmad16

    20 June 2012 at 18:32

    was so scared thought it was going to happen again

     

    hi

    today i was on my way home on the bus alone and when i was in the station waiting for the bus this man that i had never seen before in my life was staring at me at first i thought nothing of it so i started texting my friend but then i looked up and he started blowing kisses at me and then he got on my bus. i thought i was over reacting because i was scared of a man/ boy hurting me again but then he started whistling and i just ignored it but then he started shouting sexy down the bus and shouting me tryiing to get my attention i was so scared cuz there was only us and the driver on the bus he moved down and sat nearly opposite me i thought he was going to follow me but he got off before me the point is i was  teriffied i thought i was going to have to go through it again and i didnt know what to do i just froze it probably sounds like im being stupid but i just couldnt bare being hurt again and there was other people in the station so why did he single out me he looked like he was about 30 i was so so scared

    please help me is this normal xx
  • zippy001

    21 June 2012 at 14:59

     
    jlsmad16 - 20 June 2012 at 18:32

     

    hi

    today i was on my way home on the bus alone and when i was in the station waiting for the bus this man that i had never seen before in my life was staring at me at first i thought nothing of it so i started texting my friend but then i looked up and he started blowing kisses at me and then he got on my bus. i thought i was over reacting because i was scared of a man/ boy hurting me again but then he started whistling and i just ignored it but then he started shouting sexy down the bus and shouting me tryiing to get my attention i was so scared cuz there was only us and the driver on the bus he moved down and sat nearly opposite me i thought he was going to follow me but he got off before me the point is i was  teriffied i thought i was going to have to go through it again and i didnt know what to do i just froze it probably sounds like im being stupid but i just couldnt bare being hurt again and there was other people in the station so why did he single out me he looked like he was about 30 i was so so scared

    please help me is this normal xx

     

    hi your mot over reacting at all i felt the exact same yester dsy because when i was at school boys thought it was ok to touch me n stuff and although it was never any where privet like i hated it then sometime simeler happend but a tad worse well this was ayear ago and ive only just found a little trust in some men again until the other day when i was walking to the shops and there was this gang of lads i didnt think anything of it until i passed themn and it felt awful even though they didnt do anything or say anything so your not alone

    i think most people would feel uncomfetuble if a men/boy did that to them its not nice and its ok too be sceard dose anyone know what happend last time (the reson why it sceard you more) maby you could talk to them about it i know when i told someone yesterday they where really helpful and they reasured me i wasnt being silly i cant help feeling that still though

    did the bus driver say anything too you at all?

    hope this helps a little

    XEmmaX 
  • jlsmad16

    21 June 2012 at 16:03

     

    hi emma 

    thanks for ur reply the bus driver didnt hear it as we were close to the back of the bus and the time before i was sexually assulted and i thought it was going to happen again some people know what happened to me before but it just makes me feel sick when i talk about it and my friends just go to the police but i wouldnt cuz i was to scared. 

    hope ur ok too and thanks so much for ur reply. xxx
  • screwedupbad

    21 June 2012 at 18:25

     
    jlsmad16 - 20 June 2012 at 18:32

     

    hi

    today i was on my way home on the bus alone and when i was in the station waiting for the bus this man that i had never seen before in my life was staring at me at first i thought nothing of it so i started texting my friend but then i looked up and he started blowing kisses at me and then he got on my bus. i thought i was over reacting because i was scared of a man/ boy hurting me again but then he started whistling and i just ignored it but then he started shouting sexy down the bus and shouting me tryiing to get my attention i was so scared cuz there was only us and the driver on the bus he moved down and sat nearly opposite me i thought he was going to follow me but he got off before me the point is i was  teriffied i thought i was going to have to go through it again and i didnt know what to do i just froze it probably sounds like im being stupid but i just couldnt bare being hurt again and there was other people in the station so why did he single out me he looked like he was about 30 i was so so scared

    please help me is this normal xx

     

    Hi jslmad16

    I don't know if its normal or not to be scared about it happening again but you're not the only one, I was  raped and I'm terrified of it happening again. I get panicky when I'm alone with any men which sounds weird because I'm a boy but its true. My teacher wanted to see me after class about my work and it was just me and him and I was so scared that he was going to hurt me I barely heard anything he said. Another time I was walking home from my dad's and it was night and there was this group of drunk guys celebrating and I just froze, I could barely breath even but they just walked past and didn't even notice me, I passed out I was that worked up. Yeah I'm pathetic and paranoid and irrational I know but its understandable that you'd be uncomfortable, especially considering how that guy on the bus was acting and you shouldn't feel bad. Did anyone on the bus say or do anything about it?
  • jlsmad16

    21 June 2012 at 20:33

     

    hi thanks for replying

    nobody was on the bus at the time other than the driver at the time and i dont think he heard it 

    u are not pathetic whether u are a boy or girl it is wrong and u will feel like that for a while why dont u try and talk to someone u ttrust about how u feel

    here for u though x
  • screwedupbad

    22 June 2012 at 16:04

     
    jlsmad16 - 21 June 2012 at 20:33

     

    hi thanks for replying

    nobody was on the bus at the time other than the driver at the time and i dont think he heard it 

    u are not pathetic whether u are a boy or girl it is wrong and u will feel like that for a while why dont u try and talk to someone u ttrust about how u feel

    here for u though x

     

    Hi you're welcome, how are you?

    Maybe try sitting closer to the front nearer to the driver if you're the only one there? You might feel safer?

    I know, it it just makes me feel bad and I feel like I should be over it by now because it happened 2 and half months ago now and I'm not. No one even knows I was raped so I can't talk about it.
  • jlsmad16

    22 June 2012 at 17:26

     

    hi im ok thanks, u?

    i was sexually assualted over a year ago and i blocked it out for around 3 months i had no choice to tell people because i wouldnt go to school so people knew something was wrong sometimes i think im over it but then someone will touch me unknowingly and i freak so u need to give urself time and as for not being able to speak to anyone maybe have a one to chat wilth childline i found that helped a little they may be able to give u some ideas i know telling parents is horruble as the first thing my dad wanted to do was find the boy byt i talked him out of it because it would make things worse so because he loves me he didnt people might be a little shocked nbut they will know u need support maybe tell a trusted teacher or friend just so u have someone to talk to but u can always talk to me ur being really brave 

    hope ur ok x
  • screwedupbad

    22 June 2012 at 20:13

     
    jlsmad16 - Today at 17:26

     

    hi im ok thanks, u?

    i was sexually assualted over a year ago and i blocked it out for around 3 months i had no choice to tell people because i wouldnt go to school so people knew something was wrong sometimes i think im over it but then someone will touch me unknowingly and i freak so u need to give urself time and as for not being able to speak to anyone maybe have a one to chat wilth childline i found that helped a little they may be able to give u some ideas i know telling parents is horruble as the first thing my dad wanted to do was find the boy byt i talked him out of it because it would make things worse so because he loves me he didnt people might be a little shocked nbut they will know u need support maybe tell a trusted teacher or friend just so u have someone to talk to but u can always talk to me ur being really brave 

    hope ur ok x

     

    I'm kinda worried but okay I guess thanks.

    I've heard lots of people block it out, I don't why I can't, its like I'm not allowed to forget. How old are you may I ask? I did try talking to childline, 121 chat kept dying and I can't call in case someone hears me talking. That was sweet of your dad I guess he really cares about you, its good if you have a supportive people in your life. I'm not exactly close to my parents or steparentes, have no friends anymore and I just finished my GCSEs so no more school. Plus wouldn't a teacher just tell my parents? Or the police? Am too ashamed and scared of not being believed anyways, they couldn't help either, all the websites I've been on say it takes years of therapy to get over it.

     
  • jlsmad16

    22 June 2012 at 23:54

     

    hi

    understand what ur saying but teachers have to keep it confidential if u want them to if u dont want to involve the police no one can make u i point blank refused if u speak to teachers or someone online they can give u numbers to gelp often help and i know what ur saying about one 2 one chats mine crash out sometimes but i guess thats cuz my laptop is rubbish. Cant figure out a time each week that no one will be in the house so that u cAN arrange to have frequent chats with childline by phone. is there a cousin or neighbour u can trust to speak to and for the record i belive u thats why i wouldnt go to the police but thats ur choice and u have nothing to be ashamed of even though over a year on i still am but guess that takes time i dont think we'll ever forget   but in time hopefully it will get easier. 

    BTW im 17 

    hope ur ok here for u x
  • screwedupbad

    23 June 2012 at 17:16

     
    jlsmad16 - 22 June 2012 at 23:54

     

    hi

    understand what ur saying but teachers have to keep it confidential if u want them to if u dont want to involve the police no one can make u i point blank refused if u speak to teachers or someone online they can give u numbers to gelp often help and i know what ur saying about one 2 one chats mine crash out sometimes but i guess thats cuz my laptop is rubbish. Cant figure out a time each week that no one will be in the house so that u cAN arrange to have frequent chats with childline by phone. is there a cousin or neighbour u can trust to speak to and for the record i belive u thats why i wouldnt go to the police but thats ur choice and u have nothing to be ashamed of even though over a year on i still am but guess that takes time i dont think we'll ever forget   but in time hopefully it will get easier. 

    BTW im 17 

    hope ur ok here for u x

     

    Hi

    Really? I heard that if its something serious like that they have to tell your parents, maybe not the police but your parents definitely and I don't want them to know. I have tried but I spend a lot of time at the hospital with my sister (she has cancer) and by the time I get home either my mum and stepdad are already home, last time I called and got through and then my stepdad came home so I hung up quickly without saying anything and I feel really guilty about it. No there's no cousins, my parents aren't on good terms with their familes so I haven't even met most of my cousins and the only neighbour I know is this sweet old lady. Thanks for believing me. I know I shouldn't be ashamed and its never the victims fault but I still can't help blaming myself. You're right, I don't think its possible to forget but I hope it gets easier, I can't live like this forever. Hope you're okay?

    I'm 15
  • jlsmad16

    24 June 2012 at 18:25

     
    screwedupbad - 23 June 2012 at 17:16

     

    Hi

    Really? I heard that if its something serious like that they have to tell your parents, maybe not the police but your parents definitely and I don't want them to know. I have tried but I spend a lot of time at the hospital with my sister (she has cancer) and by the time I get home either my mum and stepdad are already home, last time I called and got through and then my stepdad came home so I hung up quickly without saying anything and I feel really guilty about it. No there's no cousins, my parents aren't on good terms with their familes so I haven't even met most of my cousins and the only neighbour I know is this sweet old lady. Thanks for believing me. I know I shouldn't be ashamed and its never the victims fault but I still can't help blaming myself. You're right, I don't think its possible to forget but I hope it gets easier, I can't live like this forever. Hope you're okay?

    I'm 15

     

    hi

    im ok thanks

    sorry to hear about ur sister i hope she is allowed to come home soon , as for the school speak to them and tell them that u dont want ur parents knowing yet and if they tell them then u will deny it happened i know telling a lie to ur parent isnt always the best but ur teacher should keep it confidetnial. try and speak to the old lady u never know she might be able to help and im sure she'd want to. try going on one2 one again because it doesnt always crash. i hope ur ok wont reply until friday because im going on holiday tomorrow and not taking my laptop.

    will reply when i get back friday night  

    take care and be brave try and talk to someone if u can x
  • screwedupbad

    25 June 2012 at 17:28

     
    jlsmad16 - 24 June 2012 at 18:25

     

    hi

    im ok thanks

    sorry to hear about ur sister i hope she is allowed to come home soon , as for the school speak to them and tell them that u dont want ur parents knowing yet and if they tell them then u will deny it happened i know telling a lie to ur parent isnt always the best but ur teacher should keep it confidetnial. try and speak to the old lady u never know she might be able to help and im sure she'd want to. try going on one2 one again because it doesnt always crash. i hope ur ok wont reply until friday because im going on holiday tomorrow and not taking my laptop.

    will reply when i get back friday night  

    take care and be brave try and talk to someone if u can x

     

    Hi

    She's not, they're keeping in her so they can take care of her better. It doesn't matter anyway, I just had my last exam today so I'm done with school, scary. I can't tell a sweet old lady in her 80s that I was raped. I can't  tell anyone, there's no point, no one can help me. I might try 1-2-1 chat again. Its completely okay, are you going anywhere nice? I hope you have a good time :)
  • jlsmad16

    30 June 2012 at 18:17

     

    hi 

    i went to great yarmouth and it was good thanks.

    i hope the doctors can help ur sister and im glad ur going to try 1-2-1 again just try and enjoy the holidays and if u go to a college in september most colleges hAVE counsellors u can speak to in confidence

    hope ur  ok x 
  • screwedupbad

    01 July 2012 at 16:53

     
    jlsmad16 - 30 June 2012 at 18:17

     

    hi 

    i went to great yarmouth and it was good thanks.

    i hope the doctors can help ur sister and im glad ur going to try 1-2-1 again just try and enjoy the holidays and if u go to a college in september most colleges hAVE counsellors u can speak to in confidence

    hope ur  ok x 

     

    Hi

    Cool, I've heard its nice there, I'm glad you had a good time.

    They'll do their best so fingerscrossed. We don't go on holiday, we already live by the coast so my stepdad says there's no point going anywhere. I'm not going to college but can you still talk to the counsellors? I'd imagine since you're slightly older in college that its like more confidential because under 16 they can tell your parents certain things but I don't think they can college age.
  • jlsmad16

    02 July 2012 at 17:05

     

    hi 

    i guess its good u live by the coast in some ways because u can jus go for a walk by the beach to clear ur head and u can arrange to speak to a counsellor if u speak to childline they might be able to give u some numbers to ring u will only be able to see college counsellors if u go to college i think anyways but there are other counsellors out there and unless they think u are at risk they have to keep it confedential. 

    i have camhs tomorrow and not really looking forward to it because i think its time to sctually talk about u know what 

    hope ur ok xx

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