Hi there T*,
Thank you for your letter and for helping me understand how things have been for you.
It seems like the people at school who have being making jokes about you and laughing have really affected how you feel about yourself and how you feel about school at the moment. It is really positive that you know you can’t keep trying to change yourself to impress other people, but you should never have been made to feel you had to do this in the first place. Unfortunately you are not alone and usually, just as you have found, being made to feel like you should change in order to fit it can really affect your self-esteem and confidence.
I understand why you feel you need a new start and new friends, but I also think it’s important you know that this is something that you should have been supported with so you did not feel you had to move school. Laughing at someone and making jokes like this is bullying and it is not ok for your friends to behave like this. You have asked if you should be honest with them and you are wondering if it is best to let these people know how you have really been feeling. I think it would be good for them to know how their behaviour has affected another person. Perhaps letting them know how they have been affecting you could be a really great first step in your new start. You could begin to communicate to others how you feel and how you would like friendships to be and perhaps build your confidence for future friendships.
It's really important that you know you are not an ugly person. Try your best to remember the positive qualities that you have and focus on them. You may find the information about self-esteem in Explore and the Self-esteem message board helpful. You can even leave a message about your own situation if you like.
You have also said that you don’t like going home but you have not said what is making you feel this way. You may also have a trusted adult in your life who can listen to you and support you with what has been happening, and with making your new start. Remember that you are always very welcome to talk to Childline about this by phoning 0800 1111 or by logging in for a 1-2-1 chat. I hope this helps.