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Topic My friend 

Question

To Sam 

20/06/2011 5:42pm 

My friend 

My friend's got anorexia. She was diagnosed 3 years ago but had it a couple of years before that. She also suffers with depression. The other day she had a break down. She actually lost it, crying, screaming, scratching at her face - and all I could do was watch. She said that she's sick of arguing with herself all the time and she feels like a nutcase. Of course I tell her that she isn't and that I'm here for her and it will be ok but I know she doesn't believe me. The only thing I know that helps is when I just talk about anything - you know? Babble on about random stuff to take her mind off it - and even then I can't always think of stuff to say. How bad is that? I'm her best friend and I should know how to make her feel better.

No-one else sees it - she's a very good actress. But I can see past her brave face - it's like she's lifeless. I know that she feel hopeless. I feel like everytime we get better, she ends up just falling again - and I feel so bad because I should be positive and have faith in her but I can't help but wonder whether we are ever going to get out of this constant cycle?

I guess I'm sick of it too - I know that's really selfish but I feel like nothing's working. I would do anything to take it away from her - just for a day even.

What can we do??

Sam's answer

Sam 

07/07/2011 4:46pm 

Hi

It sounds like you’re very concerned about your friend and even though you’re doing everything that you can to support her you feel like nothing is working. It doesn’t sound selfish to say that you’re sick of what’s happening, this is a lot to cope with on your own and your feelings are very important too.

I imagine that it’s very difficult to try to stay positive when you feel like you’re in a constant cycle with her. I wonder if there is anyone that you feel you can trust to talk about your feelings and how what is happening with your friend is impacting on you.

You think that you should be able to know how to make her feel better because you’re her best friend, and you would do anything to take away these feelings from her. I imagine that it’s a great comfort to your friend to hear that you’re there for her, but she is ultimately responsible for the decisions that she makes for herself.

It sounds like things have become more overwhelming for your friend over the past few days and you described what happened the other day, when you felt all you could do was watch. You said that she was diagnosed with depression a few years ago, and I wonder if she still has any ongoing support to help manage these difficult feelings.

You ask what you can both do and I wonder how it would be if you talked to one the ChildLine counsellors directly? You can phone 0800 1111, or sign up to have a 1-2-1 chat (like MSN). Either way you would be able to explore how things are for you and your friend and begin to think of ways that you can support yourselves.

I hope we hear from you again when you’re ready.

Take care

Sam

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