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Ask Sam

Topic What do i do? 

Question

To Sam 

17/03/2011 9:50pm 

What do i do? 

ive met a guy online im only 14 but he is really sweet and cute ive been on webcam too him and iv seen his facebook photos so i know hes not a perv hes older than me by 3 1/2 yrs and i wanted too meet up with him so im going but my friends might not be able to come, and he has no money to get down to me bacause he lives quite far away. what if my friends cant meet him? i dont want to dissapoint him and he makes me sooo happy. he is all i can think and talk about when im happy my friends are happy and those times are the best and im afraid if i get lost if i go to meet him on my own. i cant tell my parents because they wont let me go and im not close to them they wouldnt understand, help?

Sam's answer

Sam 

23/03/2011 3:47pm 

Hi there

It’s always very exciting when you meet someone who you share feelings with but it’s important that you do think very carefully about this situation. You did the right thing to consider taking a friend with you when you go to meet him, it’s very important that you don’t go on your own – for the reason you give, in case you get lost, but also in case you get hurt or scared.

I realize it’s hard to think badly about someone who you only feel great about, but it’s very important to remember that some people you meet online will behave the way they need to in order to get what they want. They know all the right things to say and they know all the ways of getting you in a vulnerable position – like saying they don’t have enough money to come and meet you where you live, for example. Perhaps you can ask yourself why he can’t make time to get enough money together to come and meet you? Has he considered your safety, considering your age and travelling to a place you don’t know?

If someone really cares for you it shouldn’t matter whether this time you can’t make it because your friend can’t come – he should understand that you need to feel safe. It’s also important to remember that someone who is a danger to others doesn’t have to be a 40 yr old creepy looking man – it could be a charming young teenager too. It takes time to get to know someone and how they deal with an initial disappointment, like for example you not making it this time, can tell you a lot about what kind of person they are.

Please do consider the above, I know it can be hard to think this way about him right now, but I'd be very concerned for your safety. Have a look at www.faceup2it.org for more advice and information about risks and dangers. Remember, if he really cares about you, he wouldn’t ask you to do something you feel uncomfortable about. It’s okay to take a little bit more time before you make any more decisions about meeting up.

If you do want to talk a bit more about this 1-2-1, you can talk with a ChildLine counsellor. Sign up for an account to use the online chat or email, or you can phone for free 0800 1111.

Take care

Sam

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