Page Utilities
Change wallpaper
Help
Accessibility

Ask Sam

Topic Sexual abuse 

Question

To Sam 

05/03/2012 00:09 

Sexual abuse 

This guy I have been seeing since I was 15 is 20 years old and I used to go and see him on a Saturday and then one day her started telling me that he loved me and suggested Tht we'd sleep together so of course I said yes and the same with the 2nd time and the 3rd time and so on
He then started to record us having sex and posting it on several websites and now his tempor is getting more and more aggressive and now he is forcing me to come over to his place everyday just to sleep with him
 
I am now scared that he will start hitting me and raping me if I say that I want to break up I don't want to be with him but I'm so scared now
Please please please answer this
 
Tasha
Sam's answer

Sam 

05/03/2012 09:31 

Hi there Tasha,

Thanks for your message and for telling me about what’s been happening for you. It sounds like what this guy is doing is really scaring you. It’s great that you have recognised that what he is doing is sexual abuse. I would like you to know that what he is doing is wrong and is against the law.

No one has the right to force you into doing anything you do not feel comfortable with, even if he is someone you have known a long time or is your boyfriend.

You mentioned that he has been posting these videos on the internet. There is an agency that has been set up to protect young people online, and you can report anything that has been posted about you online, or something that you find upsetting. You can report this through the CEOP website, or you can visit Thinkuknow which is designed to give children and young people further information on online abuse and tips on keeping yourself safe.

What this guy is doing is very serious and something that the police could support you with and there are ways that they can keep you safe from him. If you ever felt you were in any immediate danger, you could ring 999 to get immediate help. Is there any one you could talk to about what’s happening to you who you think could help you talk to the police? This is a big step for some people and something you might want to get support with.

Perhaps you could also think of ways that you could try to keep yourself safe if you ever do feel in any danger when you are with him. This can be creating a safe plan about what you would do in a situation to try to keep safe. There are also people who would be able to support you to plan this, a good place to start is Women’s Aid, who you can contact by phone on 0808 2000 247. Their website gives support and information on local support services which might be available in your area. It is very important, however, that you know that this is not your fault and that you can get help to make sure you are safe when you are ready to do so. You deserve to be treated with respect and no one should ever hurt you.
 
There are lots of people whose job it is to support you and talking to a counsellor at Childline is a really good first step to thinking about the way you feel and weighing up your options. If you would like to get in touch to talk this through you can either call on 0800 1111 (which is free and doesn’t show up on your bill), talk to a counsellor online in a 1-2-1 chat or send an email.

Take care,

Sam

Ask Sam

Should I risk him for sex?

Should I risk him for sex?

Hey sam, I'm having a tough time deciding something. There is this boy i really like and i know he really likes me and were kinda going out but to make it final he thinks we should sleep together first....

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong?

I know you will probably be responding to more important emails, but.. Im 14, and about a year and a half ago i started going out with this guy.. he was amazing, and i don't know what falling in love...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

boyfriend forces me and gets angry

boyfriend forces me and gets angry

i have a boyfriend and we've had sex before but he's started getting really angry when i say i'm not in the mood for it. it's getting to the point where he's forcing himself onto me even if i don't...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Help:(

Help:(

A few weeks ago a boy asked me to send him a picture of me in my underwear. I sent him one, and asked if he deleted it. He said yes, he even swore he deleted them. Then a few...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Feeling pressured

Feeling pressured

There is a boy that i really like and every girl that he has been out with he has had sex with. I know that if i go out with him i will feel pressured about it. I want to...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse

This guy I have been seeing since I was 15 is 20 years old and I used to go and see him on a Saturday and then one day her started telling me that he loved me and suggested Tht...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

I feel pressurised

I feel pressurised

Hey Sam,...

There is this boy at school who I'm good friends with, and he says that he 'fancys' me & has since the start of this school year. I really like him too, but I don't want a boyfriend...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Contraception

Contraception

Hi Sam,...

Me and my boyfriend have been sexually active for the last half year of our year and a month of being together. We are building it up slowly towards having sex but whenever we talk about having it...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

sex

sex

dear sam...

my boyfriend keeps pressuring me to have sex with him and we're both only 13! i don't want to but i really want keep him as a boyfriend. i want to try sex to see what its like...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

what can i do??

what can i do??

hi sam , im S* and my boyfriend is L*. im 14 and hes turning 15 soon. we've had an on and off relationship for the last 2 years but the main reason we break up is because hes extremly...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Sex/relationship

Sex/relationship

My & my boyfriend have been going out for 4 months he wants sex & I kind of do too. I'm 15....

We have been on webcam stripping sometimes, what should I do? I want to dump him but on...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

being used and sexually furstrated

being used and sexually furstrated

hello sam..im only 14 and ive had sex with 5 people and i find that really bad, although each time i didnt really have a choice due to peer pressure, but now ive done it ..i feel imbarrest to say...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

sex

sex

Hi, i really want to ask someone out and have sex with them. im 13, but i dont care about the law. but how do you have sex? how do i ask him to have sex? where do we go?...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Long distance

Long distance

I understand this isn't this weeks topic but I'd really like to have an opinion on this situation and I'm too shy to ask my friends....
I met this boy on holiday and we have been going out since we...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Scared to have sex again after being forced.

Scared to have sex again after being forced.

I'm 15 and wanting to take things further with my boyfriend. He doesn't want to have sex with me until i am 16, but wants to try to take things a bit further. I’m happy with that, but the only...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

is it gunna happen again?

is it gunna happen again?

Hi,...
a couple of years ago i was abused by this boy.. he used to do it to other girls but not as far as with me. he was my boyfriend on and off for ages and i guess i...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

prostitute

prostitute

My boyfriend made me a prostitute...its bad. THE END

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

My friends been down in the dumps

My friends been down in the dumps

It's probably nothing but I'm really worried......
My friends been really down and upset lately. She bursts into tears randomly. I ask her why and she just says I'm fine, great in fact. I think it's about her boyfriend because...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Pressuring into sex

Pressuring into sex

Me and my boyfriend had started having sex and at first we would only do it when we both wanted to but now if I say I'm not in the mood he gets really angry and he has even hit...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Coming out to my friends?

Coming out to my friends?

Hi sam,...

I've recently came out to my parents about me being lesbian, they took it really well which i know i am very lucky too have such accpeting parents. Suprisingly i am more worried about people in my school...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

My cousin

My cousin

hi sam i have relationship with m consin he is 14 and iam just 13 we dont have porper sex but we kised and some time he seduce me but he also tryed to do sex but i donot want...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Sex

I had sex with my bestfriend and I have a boyfriend.

I'm so confused about what I want right now. I've got a boyfriend and it will be our 3 year Anniversary in a few months. But I don't know if I love him or not. He has cheated on me...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Sex

i don't know...................

i am 14 and i have been out with a boy for quiet a while he is 18 and after school he makes me come home with him cause knowone is home, he makes me go in his room with...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

sexuality stalemate

sexuality stalemate

Sam, do you have any advice on deciding sexuality and how to come out to parents... truth be told... IM PETRIFIED!!!!! because of one reason... Fake friends. I came out to  group of my closest schoolmates that i was gay...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

not ready for sex yet?

not ready for sex yet?

I'm 16 and so is my boyfriend. We have been dating for 10 months however I can't seem to feel ready to do anything sexual at all despite how close I feel to him and how much I love him....

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

sexting

sexting

my best friend is going out with a seriousley weird guy who is on drugs and smoking and he is only 13. he keeps pressuring her in to sexting and i think she might do it and im worried for...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Pressure

Pressure

Hi I'm in Year 10 and I have a boyfriend in year 11 (which when you think about it is normal as it's only one year), and he wants to have sex. He doesn't come out right with it but...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

sexual relationships

sexual relationships

hi i am a 15 year old girl, i live in a care home. there is this 17 year old boy who i really used too like, but he stopped talking too me. we are now talking again and the...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Sexuality

Sexuality

I am eleven and i think i am bisexual as i have kissed a girl but i hangout with boys

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

Sex after forced sex

Sex after forced sex

Hi Sam. I'm 16 and in a relationship with a male who is ver understanding.  But I was in an abusive relationship for a while and he sexually physically and verbally abused me. He let his friend force me into...

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 
 

Ask Sam

how do you know you're in love?

how do you know you're in love?

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months now and I'm considering losing my virginity to him. How do you know you're in love with someone? I don't want to waste it on a person.

Read more
Write a letter to Ask Sam
 
 
 
 
 

Confidentiality

Confidentiality means not telling anyone else about what you’ve said. 

Read more about confidentiality

Ask Sam

Is there another Ask Sam topic that you'd like to see on the site?

 
 
 
 
 

Find out more

If there's an issue that you'd like to find out more about, visit the Explore section