Hello
I'm really sorry that this is happening to you. What your cousin and his friends are doing to you is very wrong. This isn't your fault. You have the right to be safe and treated with respect. What they are doing to you is called sexual abuse and it's not only very wrong it's also a very serious crime. You haven't done anything wrong - sometimes people who are abused feel guilty and scared and very confused about what has happened. It's very natural to feel that way, but there are a lot of adults out there whose job it is to help you and other young people who are going through this. There is help out there for you and you have already been really brave to write a letter to me about this.
What makes you worried about telling your parents about this? It can be really hard to talk about, especially when it's someone in the family who is hurting you - but you haven't done anything wrong and your parents should know this too.
It's natural that this would affect all parts of your life - sexual abuse is a terrible thing but people can survive and get through it with the right help. That help is out there for you too. If you do feel you are ready to talk about it, you could think about telling your parents, or maybe another relative? What about a teacher, or school counsellor, for example? Your school nurse, a youth worker or even your doctor are all examples of people who should help you and make sure that you are safe.
You can also always contact either the Police or the Social Services Department in your area. They are there for you and they can help protect you from your cousin and his friends.
I know it can be really hard to talk about this and make a decision about what you might want to do. It's okay if you need time to think about this. If you do want to talk a bit more about this with a Childline Counsellor you can also always either send an email (only counsellors can read these) or come online to talk with a counsellor in confidence. You can also phone for free on 0800 1111.
You don't have to go through all of this on your own, there are people you can turn to and ask for help and advice. You've already been really brave.
Take care
Sam