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Topic I don't know what to do 

Question

To Sam 

07/06/2011 11:12pm 

I don't know what to do 

Dear Sam, I am 15 and recently went out with a 23 yr old. When we first started talking he was lovely and then when i went to his it was all going okay. Then we had sex (and i know it is illegal) but after that he was really controling so i told him it was over. He didnt take it two well and told me he is going to be in my life no matter what. He keeps contacting me through many ways. He was getting really upset and did the guilt trip and i fell for it and took him back and he went all controling again so i asked my sister what to do and she said dump him and cut all ties with him. so i did.

but now i may be pregnant, and everytime i go to get a pregnancy test something pops up in my family. I am not close to anyone in my family because we do not get along, apart from me and my sister because i live with her.

i told my best friend about it and her phone got stolen and the texts went around my school and everyone is telling me to press charges against him for underage sex because it is classed a rape. but i have no clue what to do... and i couldnt press charges against him because i agreed to it...

sorry for it being so long...i am just so confused, please write back

H x

Sam's answer

Sam 

10/06/2011 8:40pm 

Hello

It sounds like you have been through a really tough time. You are right it was illegal for him to have had sex with you because you are under the age of 16 - but it's really important that you know that you haven't done anything wrong. If you wanted to press charges against him this could still be possible because according to the law you aren't able to make that decision to agree to have a sexual relationship. I can see that can be a bit confusing and for more information about that you can check out the Brook website page 'Consenting to sexual relationships'.

I'm sorry that you aren't that close to your family, but it sounds like you do have good support from your sister. You did the right thing to talk to her about this; she gave you some good advice. Adults like this man you describe can be very forceful and try to get you to feel bad or scared about what happened. That's how they try to trap young people in relationships that are abusive. These kinds of people are very good at making you feel like you've done something wrong when, in fact, they are the ones taking advantage of the situation and doing their best to make sure that the young person they are hurting never tells so they don't get into trouble.

Your GP can give you a pregnancy test, but you can also get one done at a Brook clinic - you can check the Brook website and see where there is a clinic close to you. You could also visit a family planning clinic - you can find out where there is one close to you by visiting www.fpa.org.uk.

You've been really brave and there are other adults out there who can help. Do you think you might feel able to talk with your sister about the situation at school and how you are feeling about what has happened? It sounds like this has been really hard on you and it could be really helpful to have someone to turn to.

You are also always welcome to talk to a ChildLine counsellor, they are friendly and understand the sorts of problems you might be worried about. They won’t judge you or put you down and they are not easily shocked. Instead, they will listen and help talk you through your options.

If this man does still try to contact you, maybe you can consider telling a trusted adult about this. That could be your sister or a teacher in school for example - but you can also always contact the police about what he is doing and about what has happened. You haven't done anything wrong and there are trusted people out there who can help you.

Take care

Sam

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